Monthly Archives: March 2012

March 31, 2012 · 2:46 pm

Using Easter Eggs to Learn About Feelings

I am so excited about the Easter holiday next weekend, getting to color eggs and set up a hunt for my toddler for the first time! One great thing about being a parent is getting to do all the fun stuff we did as kids, but I think this is even better! Of course, I am always thinking of the holiday and how to incorporate the themes into fun feeling-related activities for the kids. Although my little guy is still too young this year, I hope you find these to be something you can do in your home!

Coloring Your Feelings

What you need:

Hard boiled eggs

Easter egg dye

  1. Choose 3-5 feelings. I suggest using Happy, Sad, and Mad as your first three. Other feelings to choose from are Excited, Silly, Scared, Shy, Distracted, Frustrated, and Anxious.
  2. Have your child choose a dye color to match each feeling.
  3. Dip the egg in the dye and have them talk about that feeling while it is getting colored.
  4. Ask questions like:

Tell me about a time when you felt _______.

What or who sometimes makes you feel ______.

When you feel ______, what does it feel like in your body? Examples are face gets hot, heart races, etc.

When you feel _____, how can you calm yourself down?

This is a fun way to bring up feelings with your kids. Depending on their age, it may help them learn the names of feelings, recognize that all feelings are normal, and even learn some ways to cope with the negative feelings.

Discovering Inside Feelings

What you need:

Plastic Easter eggs, paper, marker, scissors.

 

Identifying Feelings Version (for the younger kids)

  1. Cut out small squares of paper small enough to fold and fit into a plastic egg.
  2. On each square, draw a face with a feeling- Happy, Sad, and Mad, etc.
  3. Fold the paper and place one in each plastic egg.
  4. Mix these eggs in with other plastic eggs filled with the fun stuff.
  5. Include these eggs with the child’s regular hunt or hide these separately, your preference.
  6. When the child goes through their eggs, explain to them that some of the eggs have feelings inside, just like they do. We are going to discover some of those feelings and talk about them when they are opened.
  7. If you are doing this with your toddler, say and sign the feeling for them. Be sure to use the expression as you say the feeling (i.e. frown for sad). To learn about feeling signs for babies, visit my post on Using Signs to Teach Your Toddler About Feelings.

Scenario Version (Older preschool)

  1. Cut out small squares of paper small enough to fold and fit into a plastic egg.
  2. On each square, write a scenario that reflects at least on feeling, including Happy, Sad, Mad, Frustrated, Silly, Excited, Hyper, and Shy.
  3. An example of a scenario may be “Madison is running on the playground when she fell down. Another kid laughed at her. How do you think she feels?” *Keep in mind that scenarios that ask them to identify the feelings of other people help them to learn empathy. Scenarios that ask them how they feel help them learn how to identify their own feelings. Both are important.
  4. Fold the paper and place one in each plastic egg.
  5. Mix these eggs in with other plastic eggs filled with the fun stuff.
  6. Hide the eggs outside or in your house.
  7. When the child goes through their eggs, read the scenario and see if they can tell you how that person may feel. You may want to have a picture of feelings nearby to give them a choice. Here is a good Feelings Chart I pulled from printablebehaviorcharts.com.
HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!
You may also like Angry Paper Toss!

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· 2:20 am

A Therapist’s Tote of Techniques: Deep Breathing!

When I mentioned I was going to be sharing my “best therapeutic techniques,” I imagine some of you were surprised when I said deep breathing would be first on my list to share. This should tell you how important it is to know good breathing technique and how often it is used in treating all kinds of symptoms- anxiety, anger, nervousness, worry, and so on. (By the way, this image is meant to get you in the mood to relax!)

I’ll also share some fun ways to teach kids about deep breathing exercises!

5 Reasons to Practice Deep Breathing

  1. It’s FREE! There is no cost for you to learn or apply this technique and it is an excellent tool for stress and anger management.
  2. It tricks your body into thinking it is in a calm state (as opposed to the fight or flight state).When we are in a state of stress, our bodies are in a “fight or flight” response, meaning it is reacting as if there is a threat present and we either need to stay and fight the threat or run away. When our bodies are in this state, our heart rate rises and our breathing becomes rapid and shallow.
  3. Deep Breathing gives you energy! The act of breathing deeply helps to deliver nutrient rich oxygen throughout your body.
  4. This delivery of oxygen also helps to eliminate waist in the body an help maintain healthy cells.
  5. It’s a useful technique to have ready when the time comes. Practice now so when you are feeling angry, anxious, etc., you will be prepared to use it!

When To Use Deep Breathing

  • If you are nervous about an important meeting, public speaking engagement, or personal situation you are about to face.
  • When you feel angry. You may notice your heart beating faster, face getting hot, and an urge to react to the source of your anger.
  • If you are feeling an urge to do something you don’t want to do.
  • Anytime you feel the need to relax and de-stress.

Teaching about deep breathing proved to be difficult without a visual aid. Unfortunately, I could not find one that I was comfortable adding to my blog. So… for your entertainment, I made a short video of my own to teach you proper deep breathing technique (no laughing!).

VIEW MY TUTORIAL VIDEO HERE FOR PROPER BREATHING TECHNIQUE! 
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NOW, FUN WAYS TO TEACH THE KIDS!
I have found that teaching kids about deep breathing is similar to teaching them other things… you have to trick them into thinking they are not learning or practicing something important! Here are some fun activities to help your kids learn about deep breathing. Once they learn the skill, teach them how and when to apply deep breathing.
 
Blowing a Pinwheel
Such a simple, yet fun toy! Who doesn’t love to watch the pinwheel colors mix together as it spins?
  1. Have your child take a deep breath (remind them slow and deep)
  2. Hold their breath for 2 seconds
  3. Release their breath by blowing the pinwheel
  4. Repeat 2 more times

Candle and Flower

  1. Gather together a candle (you can light it if you feel your child is old enough) and a flower
  2. Starting with the flower, have your child take a deep breath (remind them slow and deep) through their nose as if they are smelling the flower
  3. When they are breathing in the flower, have them pretend they are breathing in good, calm feelings
  4. Hold their breath for 2 seconds
  5. Release their breath by slowly blowing out the candle, pretending that they are breathing out the angry, yucky feelings
  6. Repeat 2 more times

References: www.webmd.com www.kidsrelaxation.com
http://www.stress-and-relaxation.com/deep-breathing.html

You may also like: A Therapist’s Tote of Techniques

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March 28, 2012 · 2:06 am

Angry Paper Toss

I have to share an activity I recently found online by Dr. Amy Wickstrom that has been a wonderful tool in therapy. I began using this just last week since the weather has been so beautiful. I have to admit that I figured some of the kids I brought out for this activity would only half way participate. However, to my surprise, all the kids have enjoyed this exercise! Many people have a difficult time saying what makes them angry and are more comfortable writing it down or drawing a picture. Plus, the physical activity and fresh air also got them to open up even more. This activity can be used for most any age, even adults! It can also be done with one person writing or in a group. I also encourage families to do this activity together!

Here is how it works:

1. Gather together some large white paper, markers, napkins or toilet paper, tape, and a container of water.

2. Tape up the paper somewhere, like the side of a building, or even on a driveway.

3. Have each participant write down situations or people that make them angry. I also allowed them to include things that annoy them. Also, some kids chose to draw pictures rather than write in words.

4. Dip the napkins in water. The more soaked the paper is, the better it sticks. The marker actually drips down and the words or drawing fade. Visually seeing their words or drawing drip and fade away was a lot of fun for the kids, and me!

5. Right after the activity, process how it felt to write down their anger. Ask how it felt to toss the paper at the drawings. And finally, talk about how you feel after. If you are doing this as part of therapy, processing the activity is key to really dealing with the issues. As a family, just completing the activity can get people to open up with one another and promote bonding.

Please view the Angry Toilet Paper Toss video by Dr. Wickstrom and let me know how it works for you! I’m sure she would love to hear about your thoughts as well (www.morethanatoy.com)!

You may also enjoy:

Good Job Kiddo!

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March 25, 2012 · 8:56 pm

A Therapist’s Tote of Techniques

NEW BLOG SERIES!

I will be starting a new series “A Therapist’s Tote of Techniques” to share what I feel to be some of my most important and/or most used therapeutic techniques. I am looking forward to this series because most of these are simple, easy to learn techniques that anyone can apply. Another term for this concept is “tools in a toolbox.” I don’t know about the rest of you, but I just don’t carry around a tool box as much as I do my favorite tote bags. Men can substitute “tote” for the old fashioned “tool box” if needed! :)

Some Techniques and Categories to look forward to:

  • Managing emotions
  • Managing behaviors
  • Reflecting of feelings
  • Relaxation
  • Reframing
  • Cognitive Behavioral strategies
  • Boundary setting
  • Play Therapy Techniques

CREATING YOUR OWN TOTE BAG OF TECHNIQUES:

My goal is to share with you some basic techniques so you can fill your own “tote  of techniques” to use in your daily life. It’s important for me to communicate to my clients that one size does not fit all. This means that what technique worked for your neighbor’s kid will not necessarily work with yours! And what techniques one person uses may not be one you are comfortable using. Take behavior charts for example. I have heard some disagreements with the use of this tool as a means of behavior management, some from those

who do not think they work, and others who don’t find them to fit within their frame work of parenting style. My response: then don’t add that tool to your tote bag! There are many options available and you have to find what is right for you and your family.

Upcoming Post: Deep Breathing

The first technique to be featured is Deep Breathing! It seems simple, but it’s a very important one. I will talk about why it is so important, how it works, how to do it, and when and how to apply this technique. If you are not already following this blog and want to read future posts, please follow this blog via email, twitter, or facebook at http://www.facebook.com/KimsCounseling!

You may also like to read my post about behavior modification tools.

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March 21, 2012 · 2:55 am

A Trustworthy Mentor for Your Adolescent

Being a therapist to so many adolescents and pre-adolescents has given me a unique opportunity that most parents never experience. I am privy to information about the inner lives and social lives of these kids during what some people consider the most difficult times of growing up. The teen and pre-teen years are riddled with self-identification, hormonal changes, and social pressures that most of us would not return to in a million years, even if there are some good memories sprinkled here and there. As their therapist, it’s my job to determine when a parent needs to be made aware of certain circumstances, and when maintaining confidentiality is in the best interest of the teen. This is a struggle for parents sometimes, but I have found that most often they are comfortable (and even relieved) in knowing that their teenager is in good hands. I take this as a compliment when they have confidence in my judgement and I value this confidence and trust, from both the parent and the adolescent.

However, not all kids are in counseling or need to be in counseling though. Does this mean the adolescent is not being faced with a difficult personal decision or facing social pressures they feel they cannot handle? Absolutely not.  No matter who they are, they will face some very challenging circumstances during these years. And unfortunately, they may find it too difficult to come to a parent for help. Even when they have a great relationship with a parent, sometimes, they worry about disappointing their mom or dad. Other times, they overestimate their maturity or ability to handle the problem.

I recommend that parents encourage their adolescent to have a relationship with another adult that the parent trusts as well, such as a godparent, grandparent, or close family friend. Give them permission to confide in this person in the event they feel they cannot talk to their parents. The purpose of this is so that the teen has a safe person to turn to and the parent also feels comfortable their child is in good hands. Many times, this trusted adult can help the child tell their parent about the situation by being a support, and guide them in making better choices.

My final note on this topic is to always continue to build and maintain a positive and healthy relationship with your teenager because ultimately, you want them to confide in you for guidance and support. As a parent, I want more than anything to have a close relationship with my son and daughter. Experience has taught me though that this doesn’t mean they will tell me everything going on in their lives, especially during the adolescent years. For parents who have raised a teenager or two, I am always wondering, how did you do it? I would love to hear your comments!

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March 17, 2012 · 10:10 pm

Using Signs to Teach Your Toddler About Feelings

As a counselor, I spend a lot of time teaching kids how to identify and communicate their feelings. So when my son Max (14 months) was having a meltdown this weekend, I realized that now is the time to start giving him words (akasigns) to express those emotions. Now is the time to start teaching him there is a word for these feelings he is having and that it’s normal to feel angry, frustrated, etc. So, I opened up my baby sign book and dug out the feelings cards. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not under any fantasies that Max will no longer tantrum or tantrum  any less fiercely, but this is an important first step in teaching my son about his feelings.

I use a book titled Baby Sign Language by Karine Shemel Rosenberg. It comes with colorful flashcards and information on the benefits of signing and how and when to start signing with your baby. Here are the feelings flashcards in this book. You can also see where to purchase this book and see my comments and others at my  Goodreads review.

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Applying similar techniques I use when teaching more verbal children about feelings, I can start teaching my young toddler. Here are a few simple things I’ll be focused on:

- Choose which signs you want to focus on, learn them yourself, and get other caregivers (nanny, grandparent, etc) involved. The more exposure to the signs the better.

-At the moment he shows the feeling (angry, sad, happy) say and sign the feeling using an empathetic tone.

- At the moment we see others expressing that feeling, especially another child, say and sign the feeling.
- When he is angry, help him learn to calm himself down by modeling a calm state and offering something that may help calm him such as a quiet room, favorite toy, or affection.
- When he calms, tell him “good job calming yourself down.” This sends the message he has control of his emotions.

It is never too early (or too late) to start using these techniques with your child. Their little brains are constantly taking in information and forming connections about their environment and learning behaviors from those around them. Applying these techniques can also take time to get used to, but will be second nature before you know it.

Max is learning his signs quite well these days, communicating his wants and needs to those around him. I am so happy to see when he is able use these signs rather than become upset. If you have been a parent of young children, you understand how frustrating it can be (for baby and you) when they have to fuss because they don’t know any other way to communicate their needs. There is a lot of literature that stands behind the wonderful emotional and psychological benefits of babies learning sign language. I’ll add some resources below to learn more about infant signing.

I have already started teaching these feeling signs and when Max gets the hang of them, I will post a follow up and let you know how it has worked out. If you have already been down this road, I would love to hear about your experience too!


http://www.babysignlanguage.com/
 is a fantastic  website to check out. They offer a lot of information on signing, free flash cards, and even have video to show you how to do some of the more complicated signs.


http://signingbaby.com/main/index.php
 is also a good resource. There are videos of babies signing as well as an index of words.

For a good book, check out Baby Sign Language by clicking on my Goodreads review on the right hand side of this blog. Just above the Goodreads link, click on my Vodpod link to find videos I like. There is a really good video showing a baby signing for her mom. So cute!

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March 13, 2012 · 1:56 am

Defining “Commitment” in Your Marriage

A new Science Daily article reviewed a recent study by UCLA on what commitment means to various couples and whether or not they stay together. Click here to read the article.
A few things about this article stand out to me so I thought I would share!

First, an underlying message here is that marriage will have challenges and difficulties. I am going on my 10th year of marriage and second kid this summer so I feel I can speak from some experience about the ups and downs a couple faces. No matter how in love you are, there are always difficult times you will face as a couple. We had our first baby later in our marriage so I can only empathize with couples who have children sooner than they are ready because they add an entirely new dynamic to a relationship.

Secondly, how we function in a marriage is about choices. The article mentions “choices” in several different angles- the couples choose how they view an argument, they choose how they respond to one another, they choose their priorities, and they choose to make sacrifices.

Third, it can be an easy word to ready over quickly, but the word “both” was used when describing the couple’s choices and perspectives. This is an important finding in the study because it tells us that marriage is very much of a team effort. One person cannot be responsible for making all the sacrifices or being the only one to make personal changes.

And finally, I like how they recommend against “bank-account relationships,” meaning don’t keep score!

I hope one day to be an old woman and old man, celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary! I realize this will be about choices, sacrifice, and personal growth along the way, but to me, it’s worth it! In recognition of the upcoming Saint Patrick’s Day, here’s a toast to the last 10 years and the future 40!

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March 10, 2012 · 11:59 pm

Bringing Back Old Fashioned Play

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple”

- Dr. Seuss

I though of this quote when I came across an article by Alix Speigel, Old Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills . This article touches on an important topic for all parents, which is the ever growing support on the importance of creative, “old fashioned” play. Please take a moment to read this article along with my post today.

Disorders like ADD and ADHD, childhood bipolar disorder, and Anxiety and Depression in children is reported to be at an all time high these days. While there is some controversy that these are over-diagnosed (which itself a topic for another blog post), it’s hard to deny that children today are struggling with issues surrounding poor impulse control, difficulty with emotional regulation, poor attention skills, etc. These are what we call “Executive Functions.” One of the current theories is that children today are not engaging in imaginative play, which researchers are discovering is a key component in developing executive functions. The types of toys available today, along with the electronics (tv, gaming systems, iPads) are what our kids are being exposed to and spending their time doing, rather than playing outside or using their imagination. A majority of people today think these latest and greatest toys and games make our kids smarter, but in fact, studies show just the opposite!

For those of you with preteens and teenagers, this information is still relevant. Rather than watching tv or game for 2 hours after school, have your kids journal, read, or build something outside. The possibilities are endless. Changing your expectations of them now, after the bad habits have formed, will be your greatest challenge. Start out slow, maybe requiring reading time for just 15 minutes a day. Suggest some fun activities you can do as a family. Get creative and make it a priority.

As a Play Therapist, I am encouraged by this growing research that supports the power of play in a child’s cognitive development. As a parent, I am relieved to know how simple it can be to create an enriched environment for my children to thrive and grow. We don’t have to spend a lot of money or stress that they don’t have the latest toy. Encouraging our children to play creatively with one another is one of the most important things we can do. Give them crayons, blocks, or a box and cheer on their imagination and zest for what the natural environment has to offer, rather than Mattel.

Here are some more articles on the topic I think you will find interesting.

Q&A: The Best Kind of Play for Kids

Creative Play Makes for Kids in Control

New York Times: Taking Play Seriously

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March 7, 2012 · 10:22 pm

Totika Game

Totika is one of my favorite therapy tools to use with clients 7 years and older. I even recommend parents buy this game to play with your family. It is similar to Jenga, except it comes with questions that you answer between each piece that is pulled from the tower. I’m sure my fellow therapists out there are familiar with this one and hopefully they have as much success as I do. It comes with a Self-Esteem Deck of Cards, but you can also buy the Teen-Adult Questions as well.

There are literally thousands of questions, but here are a few of the them just to give you an idea of what to expect:

Self-Esteem Questions-

  • If you are feeling unmotivated, who helps you get yourself going?
  • If you thought someone was laughing at you, what might you do?
  • What might you feel when you make a wise decision?
  • If you could get rid of one thing that irritates you, what would it be?
  • What might you be able to teach others?
  • What would you like to see change for you in the future?
  • Who are three of your role models?
  • Who notices when you do something well?

Teen-Adult Questions:

  • If you had it all to do again, what might you like to know sooner in life?
  • What are you doing to live a healthy life?
  • If you could be successful at anything, what might you do?
  • What are your three highest priorities in life?
  • What is the single most important choice you have made?
  • How might you describe faith?
  • What has brought you immense joy in life?

As you can see, there are a lot of really good questions that encourage thought and self-reflection. This game can be purchased online at www.selfhelpwarehouse.com or possibly www.childtherapytoys.com for around $20. Have fun! :)

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March 6, 2012 · 2:51 am

No Longer A Supermom Wannabe!

A couple months ago I found myself stressed out and feeling like I was constantly going. I imagined myself as a mouse on a wheel, spinning away and not getting anywhere. I had to take a step back and look at what was going on in my life that led me to feel this way. It’s not good for me, my family, or my clients when I am tired and over-stressed. I had to identify those things in my life that were pulling me down and below is the worksheet I used to help me with this. I identified several areas in which I could make changes. I was expecting myself to be Supermom and Superwife! One example: I was making breakfast for Max every morning, which included scrambled eggs and fresh fruit. If I couldn’t meet my own expectation, I would be frustrated and disappointed. I finally had to make a choice that breakfast would sometimes be as simple as a banana and cereal bar. I know what some of you are thinking, but hey, everyone’s got something right?! :)

Energy_Drainers[1]

Whether you have no kids, one kid, multiple kids, plus or minus a spouse and pets, life can get busy! It’s so easy for us to forget about ourselves and get into the routine of tackling the day-to-day tasks on our list. What’s not even mentioned in the above scenario is all the emotional drama you may be carrying around with you all day, such as financial stress or dealing with a difficult co-worker. Emotional energy is just as draining as anything else.

When I say “energy drainers”, I am referring to people, situations, activities, obligations and responsibilities that take physical and emotional energy from our day, such as baseball practice, long hours at work, etc. “Energy givers” are just the opposite of an energy drainer. Energy givers may be as simple as eating breakfast in the morning, daily devotions, and exercise.

I encourage anyone to make a list of their energy drainers and energy givers. Eliminate those areas of your life that drain you and add in those things that give you energy. You don’t have to be a Superhero!

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