Monthly Archives: April 2012

April 30, 2012 · 4:40 pm

Guest Blog Post on HoustonLPC.com!

I am very excited to share a link to my very first “guest blog post,” Top 5 Questions About Play Therapy Answered, on HoustonLPC.com! This is a quickly growing site for both mental health professionals and individuals seeking professional counseling services in the Houston, Texas and surrounding areas. HoustonLPC was founded by David Bueno Martin, an innovative counselor who brings energy and enthusiasm to the professional counseling arena.  He has a vision for the Houston area to provide relevant and important information for persons seeking counseling services and to unite professionals to collaborate for continuing education, work association and referrals. The site contains up-to-date counselor bios with their specialties listed for persons to consider interviewing when seeking professional counseling services. David also has a private practice in Katy, Texas, and you can find more information about Martin Counseling on his website.

Visit the website if you are:

1) seeking reliable counseling services

2) a professional counselor and would like to be considered for a listing

3) an intern looking for supervision

4) interested in posting a job opening for a professional counselor

I look forward to future collaboration with Mr. Martin and appreciate the opportunity to share my passion for play therapy with his audience!

 

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April 25, 2012 · 5:48 pm

Parenting Quick Tip: Mention the Good Stuff Too!

If you are visiting with your child’s therapist, teacher, or any other professional about your concerns, be sure to mention the positive aspects about them too (especially when they are in hearing distance). Often times we only focus on the negative reasons for our visit and the children just end up hearing what is wrong with them. It will feel great for your child to hear you talk about some areas in which you are proud of them. This positive feedback is a great motivator for making positive changes too!

“Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don’t count on harvesting golden delicious.”

Bill Meyer  

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April 23, 2012 · 5:56 pm

Five Qualities of a Good Child Therapist

I probably don’t have to tell you that finding the right therapist to work with  you and your child is key to their success in treatment. If you are seeking help for the first time, or had a negative experience in the past, finding the right professional can be daunting. As a child therapist, I have talked with many parents who have been satisfied or dissatisfied with prior therapists. Using their feedback, as well as my own beliefs about the therapeutic process for children, I feel there are 5 key elements of a child therapist.

1. Knowledgeable:

Your therapist should be knowledgeable in child development, as well as in the problems and concerns you present. Specialized training in working with children, such as a certification in play therapy, is also important. Children are a very special population and require a treatment approach geared towards their developmental level.

2. Loves Children

This sounds obvious, but it is too important not to include. A therapist who claims to work with children should love children! Trust me when I say that your child will know if their therapist is not enthusiastic about them or their play.

3. Parent Involvement

Your child’s therapist should show a willingness to communicate with you regularly. This communication can include feedback from the child’s treatment, parenting techniques, and suggestions for helping the child outside of the session. Parents should also feel open to asking the therapist questions and sharing regular updates on how things are going at home and at school.

4. Coordinates Care with Other Professionals

Children who attend school or daycare are likely exhibiting their behaviors in the classroom. In fact, many parents seek counseling because their teachers have expressed concerns and want help as well. It may also be important to communicate with your child’s pediatrician, especially if medication is involved. A willingness to collaborate with your child’s teachers, doctor, or other providers can further foster their success outside of the play room.

5. Establishes Good Rapport

Just like any other relationship, you will connect with some therapists and not with others. Especially in a field when you are trusting this professional with intimate details of yourself and your life, you want someone you are comfortable with and trust. Your child will feel the same in their sessions so be sure they enjoy being with that individual.

You may also enjoy:

A Simple Explanation of Play Therapy

Bringing Back Old Fashioned Play

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April 22, 2012 · 5:06 pm

Reaching Potential Beyond Our Comfort Zone

Fear of getting out of our comfort zone can be one of our greatest limitations to meeting our full potential… in therapy, our careers, our relationships, and in life.

This weekend I was given the rare opportunity to have the house to myself overnight and into most of the next day. Boy, was I looking forward to this quiet time! I had a list of plans, such as getting a long nap, working out, and so on. When the time finally came and everyone was out of the house, I found myself unexpectedly uncomfortable and out of place. I am so used to activities and responsibilities that come with marriage and parenthood that not having these, even for the brief time, felt strange. Even though this was good for me, I was not used to this.

This comfort zone is one of the strongest forces holding people in their current place in life. It is so strong, that even when we know that a change is needed in our life, or even in our child’s life, we will hesitate and unconsciously resist the change.

“I’m comfortable with my wall”

I met with a young lady who had recently figured out she was holding up an invisible ”wall” between herself and others in order to keep from getting hurt. Painful losses in her life had left her fearful of losing another person close to her and this wall was defense mechanism. Evident to her and to me, this wall was keeping her from meaningful friendships, some that could even help her to heal from her past. “I’m comfortable with my wall” she shared. This wall was part of her for many years and there was so much fear and discomfort in the thought of pulling down the wall.

“I’ve been taking care of him for so long”

A mother sat in my office while we discussed parenting techniques and her frustrations about her son’s behavior. She described her newest plan in behavior modification. While the plan was a decent idea, I wasn’t sure she was ready to do what was needed to make it work. She desparately desired for her child to display some responsibility and ability to  handle some developmentaly appropriate self-care tasks. This new behavior plan simply put the responsibility on her son to make choices and deal with the consequences. For example, if he cleaned his room in the morning he could play basketball after school. Simple, right? Not so much. Mom had become so accustomed to being in control, so used to monitoring his actions and REMINDING him to clean his room, that committing not to continue in this role proved harder than she expected. I bet this sounds familiar to many parents.

These are just a couple examples of people faced with the reality that their comfort zone may be their greatest hurdle (at that moment). Success in therapy, as in life, is about gaining strength to move out of our comfort zone. It’s when my clients express discomfort that I know we are getting some real work done. I know they are moving out of their place of comfort, beyond what they know and into a place of newness and personal empowerment.

So how do we reach beyond our comfort zone, our place of safety?

* First, identify where your comfort zone resides. Are you a parent who tells your child to be independent, but sends a message that you still want control? Are you stuck in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship because you are afraid of what is on the other side? Are you stalling on a desirable career move because you have been at the same company for so long?

* Once you know your comfort zone, make that oh-so-difficult decision whether you will move beyond or stay put. Own your choice and own your decision by using an I statement. For example, “I will …” and “I want…” Leave out the “I think.”

* Write down your decision and the reasons for your choice. You will need to reflect back to this during your journey.

* Gain support for your goal. Whether this comes from your therapist, a friend, a colleague, or group, get others to help you along the way.

* Give yourself credit for your efforts. You are strong and you are brave!

My focus here is on the comfort zone as it relates in my therapy practice, but this topic is relevant in all areas of our life. I love this post from a blogger on Career Chit-Chat called Embrace the Chaos. It is a reminder that success in our careers often calls us to be uncomfortable!

 You may also like:

Living In The Moment

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April 18, 2012 · 5:35 pm

Commitment, Success, Then JOY

A Lesson From One Child’s Triumph Over Anxiety

“Joy Is the Feeling of Grinning Inside”

This quote by Melba Colgrove is a good description of how I felt today when I took note of a client’s success in therapy. Of all the topics I have to discuss, I felt it most appropriate to share a success story with you. What I hope you take from this example, is that success does come! Those who find success in the journey to self-improvement, whether they are children, teens, or adults, endure many challenges and sometimes harsh moments of self-reflection, to reach that place of “grinning inside.”

Therapy is not much different than committing to an exercise routine. In fact, they are very much the same as each are forms of self-improvement- one of the body and the other of the mind. Each require you to make a decision, a commitment for change and self-improvement. Each are more successful with the guidance from a professional. And each have both painful, challenging moments, as well as personally revealing and rewarding moments.

Joy in Her New Confidence

My success story today is about a young client. I will call her Shelly for the purpose of this post. Shelly is an elementary age child who came to me to address her severe anxiety, which was coupled with a very low self-esteem and poor self-confidence. Shelly had difficulty in her school and other activities because she would become so emotional and anxious over the tasks presented to her. In Shelly’s therapy sessions, I allowed her to direct her play and make the decisions about what she called the toys and how she played with them. In other words, I gave Shelly a safe environment to test herself and encouraged her to develop confidence in her capabilities. At first, this was so difficult for her. She wanted me to identify every toy and tell her where to go and became visibly upset when I encouraged her to decide. Shelly would also attempt puzzles and other mastery type toys, only to give up and express defeat when they became a challenge to her.

Fast forward about 9 months. In recent sessions, Shelly has come into the playroom with eagerness and excitement. She looks around the room and makes a quick decision on what she wants to play with or complete. Sometimes, she chooses more mastery toys and makes sure I watch her as she attempts the challenge over and over again until she is satisfied. Other times, she will choose an art activity in which she will decide what to paint and what colors to use (yes, she sought my approval on her colors at first!). Shelly will also choose to play with dolls or house items, such as the kitchen. I am no longer needed to name the items for her, as she will confidently tell me she is serving cake and pizza! This new self-confidence has also revealed her excellent ability to problem solve. I was so excited to observe her solve several of her own “problems” today during play by coming up with unique solutions and actively seeking items in the room that may help her with her dilemma. When she needed my help, she would appropriately ask for it. What a treat to witness!

So, if you are in therapy, have a child in therapy, or are a professional, you know that feeling like nothing you do makes a difference or that progress is moving so very slow. I’m here to remind you today that success can be possible. Please join me in this joyous feeling today as we now all know of one little girl will enjoy a fuller and healthier life!

LIFE IS…
by Mother Theresa

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.

For more inspirational poems or quotes, check out Affirmations-for-Success.com and athorsden.com.

You may also enjoy:

Living In The Moment

A Simple Explanation of Play Therapy

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April 17, 2012 · 5:42 pm

Quick Tip for Attention Seeking Behaviors

* Stop * Reassure * Finish * Play

If you are trying to get chores or cooking done, but your little one is constantly under your feet, pulling your clothes, or acting out nearby, they may be desparately trying to get your attention. Try this example: stop for a moment, bend down at eye level with your child and say “I can see you want mommy’s attention right now. I will be done in ten minutes and then we can play together.” Follw this up with a warm hug and accepting smile. Your child feels reassured by your attention and will hopefully calm down a bit while they excitedly wait for their special time with you.

Remember, you are someone’s world so be sure to keep that promise!! 

You may also like A Few Simple Tips on Handling Transitions with Your Kids!

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April 16, 2012 · 5:14 pm

Art Therapy: Painting Your Body In Emotion

Painting emotions is a great way to learn more about where and how a person experiences their feelings. I learned this activity from a colleague, and I wish I knew the original source so I could credit them here. This is a fairly popular activity among therapists, which is a testament to how effective it is. It’s great for all ages, but I have used it only with children and teens so far.

You don’t have to be a therapist though. This is a wonderful tool for parents to use when talking with their kids about feelings. Whether you want to have a general discussion, or you want them to express feelings they may have over a certain event or problem (such as changing schools or divorce), this activity is appropriate.

I’m going to share some pictures of this activity done in previous sessions. No identifying information about the painters, such as gender, age, or names, will be shared in order to protect confidentiality.

What You Need:

Large construction paper

Cut-out of body (or draw one- I show examples of both)

Paint (at least 4 colors)

Paint brushes (although finger painting would work too)

Glue or glue stick

Pen or marker

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Glue the body onto the construction paper.

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Choose the feelings you want represented (Happy, Sad, Angry, Worried, Fearul, Nervous, etc.) and paint the part of the body that feeling is most often expressed. Talk about a time when you felt that feeling as well. Here are some examples to help with the explanation. Notice how the key to the colors is written on the side to reference later.

This child indicated their happy feeling was in their heart. They painted the face blue because they cry when they are sad. Notice they painted their legs red (anger) and explained this was because they want to kick things when they are angry. Purple is for nervous because their hands get sweaty.

The pre-teen painting this body has symptoms of ADHD and struggle with attention. They requested to include “distracted” as a feeling and painted their face “distracted” because they claimed to have trouble keeping their mind focused. Theypainted their hands red because they want to hit things when angry.

This child painted red for angry and covered their head, one hand (for hitting), and heart. Needless to say this is a child with a lot of anger. Black represented scared and blue represented sad.

Like other therapeutic activities, a lot of the value is in the discussion, as well as the activity itself. I always tell them that they can paint a feeling, and if they choose not to share more about why they painted that feeling where they did, they don’t have to. This allows them the opportunity to express feelings within themselves, even if they are not comfortable sharing more.

Have you tried this activity? If so, what was your experience?

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Angry Paper Toss

The Power of Play: Review of Part I

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· 4:51 pm

Therapeutic Activity: All Tied Up with Worry

This is a great activity for helping someone to visualize their worries and gives great insight into what they may be worrying about the most. You can do this for yourself, your children, or professionals can use this on their clients. Great for all ages!!

The pictures below are from an actual client and I’ll discuss a little more about what I found.

What you will need: yarn, small squares of paper, and something to write with.

 

Next, talk about something the person worries about and pull out a string of yarn that represents how big the worry feels. Write the worry down on a piece of paper. Be sure to attach the worry to the string of yarn so you can keep track of which wory goes with which string of yarn.

Once all the worries have been mentioned and the yarn pulled, you can evaluate what you see. In my experience with this activity, I have found that some people have A LOT of worries. Others only have a few worries, but they may be really big. This also puts into perspective what worries are bigger than others. It’s a wonderful tool for gathering AND processing information!

This isn’t the greatest photo, but you can get the idea. There are three worries pictured, ranging in length from small to very long.  The smallest worry is “worrying about mom not being able to support me” and the longest worry is getting in trouble for things he didn’t do. This is a school age child who had been getting into trouble so much lately that he was the first one pointed at when something went missing or a fight broke out in class. He was given an opportunity to talk about this issue and how he feels about getting in trouble so much.

This particular child did not have many worries, but some do. For those who have a lot of worries, we have balled up the yarn and talked about how all these worries in their head feel. Another option is to string the worries up into a web. I did this with a child around Halloween and he had a lot of fun, and actually added in some of those plastic spiders!

Many times the topics we are talking about can be emotionally heavy so adding in some fun and light-heartedness can help the person through the activity without leaving them feeling weighed down!

You may also like Angry Paper Toss!

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April 15, 2012 · 4:41 pm

Must Read Books on Childhood Abuse

April is Child Abuse Awareness Month!

Below is a list of books for children, as well as parents, teens, and professionals on child abuse. As you will see, abuse during childhood is not only an issue for child therapists. Adults who were abused as children continue to struggle with feelings of anger, shame, and depression from their experience.

CHILDREN’S BOOKS

Something Happened and I’m Scared to Tell

A Terrible Thing Happened: A Story for Children Who Have Witnessed Violence or Trauma

The Trouble with Secrets

Reena’s Bollywood Dream: A Story About Sexual Abuse

Annabelle’s Secret: A Story About Sexual Abuse

Please Tell: A Child’s Story About Sexual Abuse

PARENTS, TEENS, AND PROFESSIONALS

A Child Called It

The Lost Boy: A Foster Child’s Search for the Love of a Family

A Man Named Dave

Play Therapy with Abused Children

Finding Sunshine After the Storm: A Workbook for Children Healing from Sexual Abuse

The Words Hurt: Helping Children Cope with Verbal Abuse

When Your Child Has Been Molested: A Parent’s Guide to Healing and Recovery

How Long Does It Hurt?

We Are Not Alone: A Guidebook for Helping Professionals and Parents Supporting Adolescent Victims of Sexual Abuse

Therapeutic Exercises for Victimized and Neglected Girls

Structured Psychotherapy Groups for Sexually Abused Children and Adolescents

Gentling: A Practical Guide to Treating PTSD in Abused Children

Repair for Kids: A Children’s Program for Recovery from Incest and Childhood Sexual Abuse

A Brother’s Journey: Surviving a Childhood of Abuse

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

My Story

Am I Bad: Recovering from Abuse

The Invisible Child

Understanding Child Abuse and Neglect

Child Abuse and Culture: Working with Diverse Families

The Breakdown of an All-American Family

You may also enjoy reading Early Trauma and Attachment!

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April 12, 2012 · 4:43 pm

Self Care Quick Tip (with a little comic relief!)

I know this feeling well! If you have read my posts, you know how I feel about taking care of yourself. I encourage you to find time for that “Me Time” you so deserve. Not only is it good for you, but because you are a model for your family.

Ask yourself if you want your daughter to grow up and sacrifice her health for the laundry, or your son to work weekends instead of spending it with his family. Remember, they learn by what we do, not necessarily by what we say!

 

You may also like: Living In The Moment, Deep Breathing, and No Longer a Supermom Wannabe!

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