Monthly Archives: July 2012

July 31, 2012 · 10:12 am

Recognizing Depression in Men

Men are often overlooked when it comes to the discussion of depression. As a wife, daughter, and therapist, it’s important to me that I am aware of the signs of depression in men and to spread education on the topic to my readers.

It’s a common belief that more women suffer from depression than men, but this is actually not the case. In fact, men commit suicide in far greater numbers than women. Why? Men often do not receive help for their depression and there are several possible reasons.

  • Failure to Recognize Symptoms. Men may exhibit some symptoms of depression differently than women, making it less recognizeable to family and friends, and even doctors.
  • Men Are Less Likely To Seek Help. There is still reluctance by many men to seek help for depression. This could be because they see it as a weakness, they are hesitant to admit they need help, or maybe they are reluctant to make the financial or time sacrifices it takes to commit to therapy.
  • Less Awareness. As I mentioned above, most people think of depression as a female problem and we are not educated on the symptoms and statistics of male depression.

So now that we’ve established there is a lack of awareness about male depression, what are the symptoms of depression in men? Men will often exhibit inappropriate anger, an increase in substance use, and will often spend a great deal of time away from home and family (escapist behaviors).

The Uplift Program has a comparison of the male and female symptoms of depression:

SYMPTOMS IN MEN               SYMPTOMS IN WOMEN
Blames others Tendency to self-blame
Anger, irritability, ego inflation Feels sad, apathetic, worthless
Feels suspicious, guarded Feels anxious, frightened
Creates conflict Avoids conflict
Restlessness and agitation Slows down, nervousness
Compulsiveness Procrastination
Sleeps too little Sleeps to much
Becomes controlling Difficulty maintaining boundaries
Shame (eg. sex performance) Guilt
Fear of failure Problems with success
Becomes over status-conscious Assumes low status
Self-medicates through alcohol Self-medicates through food
Over use of internet/TV/email Withdrawal

How To Help:

So what you do if you believe you are depressed (men and women)?

  1. Talk to your doctor. I always, always recommend talking to your doctor as soon as possible. Tell them your symptoms, how long you have had them, and how severe they are and have become.
  2. Exercise. Physical activity releases endorphins that improve mood and increase self-confidence. See how in this article.
  3. Eat well. Believe it or not, food plays a role in mood. It will not cure depression, but every positive life change helps!
  4. Seek counseling. Even if your doctor prescribes medication, studies show that medication combined with therapy will give the best results.
  5. Seek support from loved ones. When you are depressed, you can feel very much alone, defeated, hopeless, and fatigued so having a support system in place is key.

References:

Mayo Clinic

About.com

Suboxone

Uplift Program

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July 30, 2012 · 8:30 am

Psychological Traits of Olympic Champions

Let the Games Begin!

Like most of you, I have been looking forward to watching the Olympics this year. The excitment from all the countries, the anticipation of watching your favorite athletes and games, and the overall spirit surrounding the festivities just draws you in!

I’m always so impressed and intrigued by the athletes and their strong commitment to their sport. They are certainly among the few individuals who show such strength of heart and mind to be able to accomplish what they do.

Research on Psychological Traits of Our Champs

A recent study on the psychological characteristics of U.S. Olympic champions was conducted by researchers at the University of North Carolina and they found a number of common characteristics among these athletes.

  • High Motivation and Commitment

These athletes were competitive and looked forward to and really enjoyed competing. Their competitive drive was fueled by an internal desire or intrinsic motivation to accomplish their goals, as opposed to external rewards. The 10 Olympians were goal oriented. They not only set goals, but they were also good at deriving multiple plans or pathways for achieving their goals. Finally, their dedication to their goals was extremely impressive.

  • Optimistic and Positive

This allowed them to remain positive when faced with difficulties and rebound more quickly when failures were experienced.

  • Positive Perfectionists

Adaptive perfectionists set high standards and like to be organized, but they are low on concern over mistakes, doubts about actions and concern over parental criticism (when young).

  • Ability to Focus

The Olympians had the ability to concentrate or focus on key performance-related factors while effectively blocking out distractions. They were described as having “the ability to dial in” and “the ability to intensely focus and quiet the mind.”

  • Ability to Handle Stress and Cope with Adversity

Having the ability to handle stress and cope with adversity allowed these athletes the capacity to deal with the routine setbacks and anxiety associated with training and competing in developmental and elite levels of competition.

  • Mentally Tough

some of the more common components of mental toughness focused on resilience, perseverance and the ability to successfully deal with adversity.

  • Sport Intelligence

 It consisted of such themes as the ability to analyze performance, being innovative relative to one’s sport technique, being a student of the sport, making good sport-related decisions, understanding the nature of elite sport and being a quick learner.

What We Can Learn

So, other than knowing what makes these individuals totally awesome, what else have we learned?

1. Other successful people possess these traits. I haven’t done the google search on this yet, but I imagine that these are also the traits of other people who have been successful in their field. Consider Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, and U.S. Presidents. To be on the top in your field (get there and stay there) takes a lot of commitment, innovation, sacrifice, and mental toughness.

2. You are probably already surrounded by ”Olympians.” Now, also consider the successful people in your family, your community, and your career field. I bet you can pick out a number of these traits and find that those who are successful exhibit a number of these characteristics. Learn from these individuals. Talk to them about what makes them successful, what motivates them, and how they balance their work and success with family and a personal life.

3. You can be an “Olympian” in your own life. I don’t know about you, but I’m a little old to take up a sport and achieve Olympic Champion status, but that doesn’t mean I can’t strive for success in my own life. Being an Olympic Champion is about become the best at what you do. What do you want to strive to be the best at? It’s your life and you get to choose!

4. You can pass these traits along to your kids.If we want our kids to possess the traits that make one successful in life, we have to teach, model, encourage, cheer, and guide them along the way. Encourage your kids to find interests, remain focused, and show passion for what they love, and you will have done them an enormous favor for a life of success!

Now, enjoy the 2012 Olympics!!

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July 27, 2012 · 3:10 am

Friday Wrap Up: Must Reads and Best Online Finds From the Week!

MY FAVORITE ARTICLES, QUOTES, AND OTHER FINDS FROM THE WEEK!

It’s Finally The Weekend!!

Every week I come across so many informative articles, funny and inspiring quotes, and cool websites. It’s impossible to post them all on my facebook page, so here’s what I came across this week.

Have a great weekend!

33 of the Deepest and Coolest Thoughts About Life, by Single Dad Laughing

SDL asked his readers to share their coolest thoughts about life they have had or heard. There are some really good ones, but here are a few of my favorites:

“When I was about six or seven years old, I was watching ants on the pavement and wondered if some giant was watching down on us as if we were the ants.”

“When I was a teenager my mom told me that there were 2 things in life that would eventually become apparent to me: 1.Not everyone likes you and 2.You’ve stopped caring.”

“I hope to one day be the person my children see me to be.”

“You’ve got to have a little rain before a rainbow.”

How Kids Can Save Your Marriage, by Dr. Craig Malkin on Psychology Today

Dr. Malkin brings up some really good points about marriage and kids. Good read!

Kids invade your bedroom.  They rule your schedule. They dictate where you go and how you spend your time. They spark squabbles over matters as trivial as where to put all the stuffed animals or which living room arrangement will lead to the fewest head injuries (the correct answer, by the way, is to remove all the furniture and sit on bean bags). Despite all this, I have one simple message to share: Kids don’t kill marriages; adults do.

Taming the “Nasties” In Your Children, by help4yourfamily

Kate Oliver, a Clinical Social Worker, reminds us to consider why our kids are behaving negatively. Many times we assume it’s because they are just acting out, but she offers some alternative reasons that we should keep in mind as well.

The first thing to do when the nasties are tearing through your house is to assess what is causing the nasty behavior.  I had a professor once that said the most important piece in addressing any behavior is to find out it’s cause, and while you may not be very curious about the root of the problem when your child is yelling at you, perhaps I can persuade you by pointing out that figuring out the root cause is way more pleasant for you than beating yourself up over having such a mean child.  Here are some ideas to take into consideration when you are trying to figure out what is going on:

“What To Do” Guides For Your Kids, by Houston Family Psychology

I have never heard of these books before, but definitely think they are worth checking out. Thanks Dr. Weiss!

Did you know that your body is like a car that you need to learn how to steer, worries are like tomatoes that grow when they’re fed, and disappointments are like hurdles to be jumped? By the time you’re done with these books, you will! Using these and other similarly accessible analogies, Dr. Huebner brings the concepts of cognitive behavioral therapy to life, making them easy to understand and fun to practice.

Dr. Seuss on Love, another Pinterest find, and too great not to share!

IKEA Shelves Turned On Side Make Great Shelving, by IHeart Organizing

What a cool idea! I pinned this on Pinterest, where I find so many great ideas. This would work well in a play therapy room or child’s room and less expensive than building a bench with shelving underneath!

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July 25, 2012 · 10:34 am

Simple and Effective Tips for Meeting Your Goals

DIY home projects have always been intimidating to me. I have donated so many great pieces of furniture and home decor items to Good Will over the years that I could probably own my own resale shop. Looking back, these items could have been used, if only I had the confidence to add some paint color here or a hint of fabric there.

Thanks to some guidance from my creative and crafty mom, I am in the middle of painting over a dresser set. I have had this furniture since I was little and want my little girl to use them in her room now, so it’s important for me to break out of my crafty shell and get these dressers presentable again. What I am finding along the way is that after every coat of paint and every newly painted drawer, I feel more and more confident in my ability to get this project done. It may have some mistakes, but hey, it’s done with lot of love for my little one!

What Do I Mean By Goal? My example here is about a home project, but these tips can include personal goals of stopping a habit, organizing a space, or even starting a small business! A goal is a goal, no matter how big or small.

  • Find Support. First, everyone needs their own “creative and crafty mom.” In other words, find a mentor, support person, or teacher for projects that intimidate you. Allow yourself permission to call this person anytime you need them.
  • Set Small, Achievable Goals. Not only am I painting the dresser set, but I am also updating the knobs and adding stenciling (big time I know). If I think about this entire project at once, my non-crafty mind gets nervous and I want to forget the whole thing. However, if I concentrate on one piece at a time… “Get the smalled dresser painted first”…then I feel more confident, and even some relief. It’s a small, achievable goal! Also, it may be more appropriate for you to set time goals, such as not smoking for 5 days, then 10, and so on.
  • Use Positive Self Talk. It’s easy to beat yourself up when attempting something that is difficult for you. Negative self talk can sound like “I stink at doing this,” or “I always screw up.” Stick with the positive self talk, which sounds more like “I’m actually doing this!” and “I’m impressed with how well I did, only one mistake today!”
  • Reward Yourself. Go ahead and reward your efforts in working towards your goal! I suggest smaller rewards at the end of each small/short-term goal and a great, big reward for full completion of your goal.

I hope these are helpful for you. If you have another tip that has worked in your life, please share!

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July 24, 2012 · 11:18 am

Boys Need Men, and Other Lessons I Learned From the Elephants!

Years ago, my dad shared this CNN story with me, South Africa Reins In Its Young Elephants. I found it such a fascinating story and wonderful analogy for our young men today, that I continue to reference it all these years later. Please read the story for yourself, but I can share a summary.

The Story of the Elephants

The CNN story, written by Dean E. Murphy in 1998, is about a group of wild elephant bulls on a game reserve in South Africa. The elephant bulls, considered teenagers in elephant years, were being extremely aggressive. The elephant bulls were terrorizing the reserve by killing rhinos and chasing off safari visitors. One man even lost his life to one of the aggressive, young elephants. I can just imagine the chaos!

Reserve officials were perplexed by the strange behavior of the elephants and began contemplating the reasons for this behavior and possible solutions. You see, these elephants were orphaned at a young age and relocated to this reserve. It turns out, there were no older elephant males on the reservation. Officials determined that the male elephants had no role model for appropriate behavior.

The park finally introduced a handful of elder elephants to the area. At the time the story was written, the unruly behaviors of the elephant bulls had already decreased significantly. Wow, even the animals learn from their elders!

The Lessons:

Children Need Positive Role Models. I’m not the first person to tell you how much it means that you model good behavior for your children, boys and girls! They watch our every move and listen to our every word!

More Boys Need Men In Their Lives. I see more and more young boys in my therapy office without this male figure in their life. These boys yearn for their father and appear to be seeking guidance from anywhere they can. Moms serve a precious and irreplacable role in their lives, but they can’t serve as the male figure. William Bennett, a blogger with CNN Opinion, wrote in his article Why Men Are In Trouble, “For boys to become men, they need to be guided through advice, habit, instruction, example and correction. It is true in all ages.”

We Can Learn From Our Elders. I think today we really do not place enough value on learning form our elders. Whether we are young or middle-aged, our elders can teach us a lot about life. When I was pregnant with my first child, I read many books, hoping to be prepared for this new chapter in my life. When my baby finally arrived, I found the most valuable lessons came from my mother, my aunt, my grandmother, and my friends. Their experience taught me more than any book I read! Our younger generations are facing life today with the same mentality… learn what you need to from the internet. Unfortunately, there is so much more we can teach them. But first, we have to teach them to value the lessons what we have to offer.

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July 23, 2012 · 11:17 am

Self-Identity After Kids

FreeDigitalPhotos.netNot everyone calls me mom. In fact, most people don’t call me mom, but it’s the role I allow to consume most of my time and energy. Why is that?

Mom Is My Most Important Role

The simple answer to that question is that I consider being a mother the most important role of my life. Since becoming Mom, I spend quite a bit of time reading about parenting and baby topics, shopping for baby items, and sharing pictures and stories of my kids with others. I now get excited if there is a family event in my neighborhood, like the annual “Snow Day with Santa,” instead of the hottest downtown event, and plan play dates insteads of shopping dates with my girlfriends. I even blog about topics related to child psychology and parenthood, even though I could easily write about relationships and work issues. I do all these things because I truly love being mom to my two beautiful babies and wouldn’t change it for anything. However…

I Have Other Roles and Interests

Even though I now have this new role, I haven’t lost the titles from my “previous life.” I am still a wife, daughter, friend, colleague, neighbor, and therapist. Despite my extensive deficit of time and energy these days, my relationships continue to be important to me and I want to nourish them as much as possible.

I also have other interests outside of my kids, such as exercise, scrapbooking (although now I scrapbook baby pictures instead of vacations), and various home projects. These interests are part of who I am. Even though I am now a mom, does that mean I have to give these up? I feels like it sometimes, but no.

Maintaining Your Self-Identity After Kids

Holding on to those relationships and interests can be difficult when our obligations and priorities change, but it’s possible.

  1. Foster your interests and hobbies. Even if you spend one hour a month (which is very little time) on your hobby, it can make a diffierence. Connect with others who are also involved in that hobby, whether it be at a coffee shop or online forums. If you have a magazine membership for your interest, continue to receive it and make time to at least flip through the articles.
  2. Take time for yourself. This can be part of fostering our intersts, but it also involves other activities. Get a bubble bath or sneak away to the rocking chair on your front porch for a few minutes. You can even run an errand alone if you just miss that kind of independence.
  3. Make time for your significant other. To me, this is one of the most important things we can do. I hope everyone reading this grasps the importance of having a healthy relationship with your husband or wife. Other than meeting your own needs for companionship and intamacy, think about what kind of relationship you want to model for your kids. What kind of marriage do you want your son or daughter to have when they are grown? Also, think about the fact that once the kids are grown and moved out, it will just be you and your spouse. You don’t want to look up in 18 years and wonder who that person is across from you at dinner. Make sure you are spending time on your relationship with one another away from being co-parents.
  4. Develop new interests and relationships. If you suddenly feel like you don’t have anything that is “yours,” go out and discover new things for yourself. Maybe you have discovered that you are really good at snapping photographs… go out and learn more about this. Do it for you!

The “New” Me

Now that I have written about maintaining our self-identity after kids, I’ll now point out that the bottom line is that we do change after having kids. You will never be the same person you were before kids. Priorities shift dramatically, and in some cases, so do values. There are many milestones in our lives that lead us to alter our identity is some way, such as marriage or a professional title, and becoming a parent is no different.

I’ve actually heard many parents say they are better people for having kids. There is so much responsibility with children that we strive to improve ourselves. We are forced to evaluate our beliefs, values and behaviors. I want my kids to grow up in a safe and loving world, so it’s important for me to surround myself and my family with others who support that dream.

Discovering and accepting our “post-children identity” is a process. You mean we didn’t complete self-discovery in high school? Definitely not. As long as your life continues to evolve and change, so will your self-concept and sense of identity. Consider your self-discover a journey. Continue to learn new things about yourself and accept those things you have not accepted in the past.

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July 18, 2012 · 8:26 am

Foods That Make You Happy (and My Favorite Recipes!)

I woke up this morning feeling great and having more energy than lately. This is surprising since I am still up every couple of hours with a newborn. So, I started thinking about possible reasons for this improved mood and increase in energy. The answer? My diet! During my third trimester of pregnancy, I “indulged” myself with sweets and fats and carbs. Now that I’m out of excuses for eating all that junk food, I am making an effort to eat better and feed my family more healthful foods.

What To Eat

I decided to do a little research into what specific foods improve mood and energy and here’s what I found.

TodayHealth.com has a great article describing foods that improve your mood and mention that foods with these nutrients are important to look for in your meal choices:

Three specific nutrients to incorporate

Omega-3 fats Significant work is being conducted in the area of omega-3 fatty acids on mental performance. omega-3 fatty acids are present in the brain at higher levels than any other part of the body, and although this area has not been thoroughly researched, several review papers fully support the omega-3 use in psychiatry. Of particular interest is the ability of omega-3 fats to be mood lifting and to help possibly alleviate depression. Certainly a nutrient worth considering, but always speak with your physician before starting with supplements.

Foods rich in omega-3 fats include: oily fish (salmon, mackerel and sardines), ground flaxseeds, canola oil, walnuts and omega-3 fortified eggs.

Folic acid and B12 Two B vitamins — folate and vitamin B12 — seem to be important for mood. Studies have shown that low blood levels of these vitamins are sometimes related to depression, although no one is exactly sure why. Some scientists believe that these vitamins are used by the body to create seratonin, one of the key neurotransmitters that help normalize mood.

If you suffer from a mood disorder, it is important to continue to follow your doctor’s treatment recommendations, but you may want to consider taking a multivitamin with appropriate amounts of folate and B12, in addition to your antidepressant medications. Of course, eating a diet rich in these nutrients is important for maintaining mood, even if you are not clinically depressed.

Foods rich in folate: fortified whole-grain breakfast cereals, lentils, black-eyed peas, soybeans, oatmeal, mustard greens, beets, broccoli, sunflower seeds, wheat germ and oranges.

Foods rich in vitamin B12: shellfish (clams, oysters, crab), wild salmon (fresh or canned), fortified whole-grain breakfast cereal, lean beef, cottage cheese, low-fat yogurt, milk (skim, skim plus, 1% reduced-fat) and eggs.

Vitamin D In the past few years, research has suggested that vitamin D might help relieve mood disorders because it seems to increase the amounts of serotonin, one of the neurotransmitters responsible for mood. In particular, vitamin D seems to help the type of depression called “seasonal affective disorder (SAD),” or the winter blues.

Foods rich in vitamin D: fish with bones, fat free and low-fat milk, fortified soy milk and egg yolks. Because vitamin D-rich foods are so limited, it’s often beneficial to take a daily multivitamin which provides 400 IU.

WebMD also turned out to be a good resource, using a slideshow to present foods that boost energy levels. Foods mentioned in this slideshow include apples, whole grains and brown rice, almonds, lean meats, leafy greens, salmon, fiber, water, and fresh fruits!

Recent Recipes I Loved

I love seafood and last night I tried two new recipes that turned out to be wonderfully tasty. I had 3 servings!! But they are so healthful that it was guilt-free!

Shrimp and Spinach Salad from CookingLight.com

**Good source of Omega 3, B12, and Iron

The dressing for this salad was what really made it so wonderful. The salad was a bit skimpy for my taste, so I added raw sliced almonds and bits of turkey bacon. So delicious!

.

Crab, Corn, and Tomato Salad with Lemon-Basil Dressing ,

also by CookingLight.com

Also an absolutely delicious recipe! I didn’t have the red bell pepper, but it still turned out really tasty.

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 Black Beans by Melissa d’Arabian

I used these black beans for a healthy taco salad dinner. You can get creative with your taco salads and even make it with healthier ingredients than I did, but this is what I had on hand. I included lean ground beef cooked with chopped onion and garlic, plain greek yogurt (sour cream substitute), chopped tomato, black olives, fresh jalapenos slices, lettuce, green onion, shredded cheese, and multigrain chips.

Oatmeal and Fresh Fruit

I didn’t have to follow a recipe for this one, but we have been eating this for breakfast lately. I cook the oatmeal with milk and serve with some kind of fruit. The most popular is blueberries, but I love adding strawberries to my oatmeal. Try to keep away from too much sugar or butter though. The fruit should add plenty of sweetness and flavor!

I’ve never posted recipes on this blog before, but there is a first time for everything, and I am a stong believer that diet, exercise, and sleep play a role in our psychological health! If you have a recipe or related link to share, please do!

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July 17, 2012 · 8:22 am

Mom, Dad, and Toddler Adjust To New Baby

Last night, my toddler was not the one who cried at bedtime… it was me! You see, I have been missing out on Max’s bedtime routine since our new baby arrived, which has always been our special quality time. I love to snuggle and rock him to sleep- no distractions or anything else demanding my attention… until now. With our new baby, everyone is adjusting to new routines and expectations. Going from a family of three has been just as much as an adjustment as welcoming our first baby, except that we are facing totally different changes this time around.

Separation Axiety- I recently answered questions on separation anxiety for a blog called SleepingShouldBeEasy. Ironically, just a couple weeks after this was posted, Max began a severe phase of separation anxiety. He is attached to his daddy like super glue and becomes extremely upset when he leaves his site. In fact, if he cannot get to his daddy, he often escalates to a full blown tantrum. It breaks my heart to see my little guy having such extreme emotions and not knowing how to handle them.

My husband and I agreed to handle his separation anxiety with a few key concepts in mind. For more detailed information on dealing with separation anxiety, please visit the link above.

  • Respond with Empathy, Compassion, and Calm- Max is obviously having some very strong emotions, mainly fear and anxiety, so I respond with as much love and compassion as possible. When he is upset, I reflect his feelings and offer to hold him or stay close to him. Sometimes, he lets me know he wants to sit by the door and not be bothered. I respect that too and he usually calms himself down in 15-20 minutes. For Max, I have found that trying to distract him sometimes makes it worse. If I try to distract him and I see it upsets him more, I take that as a cue that he needs to work through his feelings without my intevention.
  • Be Patient- Despite how it may feel (to you and your tot), this is a common phase for kids and it will eventually pass. Stick with your calm and empathetic response, or whatever has proven to work best for your child.
  • Support the Other Parent- My husband feels bad leaving lately and has sacrificed his own activities to avoid leaving Max. This is fine to an extent, but I want my husband to take care of himself too. Even though it’s hard for me when daddy leaves, I encourage my husband to take some time out. It’s like the old airplane analogy that says during an emergency, you have to give yourself oxygen first in order to give oxygen to others. If we don’t take time for self-care as parents, we will burn our and not be able to continue giving to our family the way we want.

Sharing and Dividing Time- Oh man, this is a biggy. I love my husband and I love my two kids so making time for all of them is important. Up to this point, I have been able to devote a significant amount of time to my toddler , but now, I am faced with dividing my time and Max must accept this reality as well.

I am personally adjusting by dealing with feelings of guilt over not being able to give 100% of my attention to my toddler. Yesterday I was feeding little sister and Max was trying his best to get my attention by trying to climb on my lap and stealing the tv remote and running off with a “come and get me” grin on his face. It broke my heart to see his attempts, but the newborn’s needs were first at the moment. Once she was done eating though, I set her down and gave Max some undivided attention. It may have been less time for him overall, but was pure quality!

Finding Time as a Couple- My husband and I thought finding time together was difficult with one child, but it’s even more challenging with two kids (both under two in our case). It’s important for couples to maintain a positive and healthy relationship, no matter the circumstances. We can’t really plan a date night at the moment, so it’s important to connect in other ways, such as making sure to give a goodnight kiss, leaving an unexpected note on the counter, and even sitting next to one another in the living room. This last one may seem silly to mention, but I have noticed it’s common for us to sit on different sides of the room because we are working on laundry or entertaining a little one and don’t think about how little time we spend next to one another. Physical closeness can make a difference!

Establishing a Routine- We used to be able to tag team on the duties with one kid, but now that we have two, everything is different. Now, it seems we each take one kid… so who does the housework? These are all things that will be worked out, but still worth mentioning as a major part of the transition.

So far, these are the biggest things we are experiencing as part of the transition. I have no doubt that more challenges will arise, but I’m confident that all of us will manage as long as we work together as a team and as a family! If you have gone through a similar transition, I would love to hear from you!

Related Links:

The Counselor Mom: New Siblings

Kids Health: Birth of a Second Child

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July 9, 2012 · 5:41 pm

Rest, Wishing I Had More!

Getting sleep and feeling well rested is not a luxury I will be experiencing in the next couple months, being that I now have a newborn. Already, just a week later, I have noticed the irritability and slowness in my general functioning. Some of this can be the pospartum changes, but a lack of sleep does take its toll on a person.

When I was in undergrad, I was fascinated with the connection between a person’s emotional and physical health and spent a lot of time learning more about the mind-body connection. No matter what the health topic may be- cancer, heart disease, or stress- the body and psyche will likely be working hand-in-hand.

I recently read an article from Science Daily titled Nap Deprived Tots May Be Missing Out On More Than Sleep.

The study shows toddlers between 2 and a half and 3 years old who miss only a single daily nap show more anxiety, less joy and interest and a poorer understanding of how to solve problems, said CU-Boulder Assistant Professor Monique LeBourgeois, who led the study.

When my son was 14 months old, we went through some transitions and his schedule only allowed for one nap a day instead of two. This was a very difficult transition for him because he loves his sleep and was not getting as much as he wanted, or needed. When he missed that extra nap during the day, he was more irritable, easily frustrated, and his engagement with us was mostly to nestle his face in our lap out of fatigue, rather than his usual playful interaction.

Lack of Sleep Hurts

I previously posted an article on the importance of exercise and mental health, “Reasons to Get Moving!,” but sleep can be considered equally important. In fact, sleeping patterns and changes is something I discuss with clients in counseling. If someone is not getting adequate sleep  there will be effects on their memory and learning, mood, concentration, reaction times, and even relationships. 

Who Is Missing Out?

In my experience, teens and parents are the two major groups who report lacking sleep the most. Teenagers are almost always at a high risk of sleep deprivation. They stay up late, texting and talking on the phone, only to get up early for school. They often complain of fatigue and boredome during the day and parents report they are highly irritable and difficult to get along with, not to mention the grades suffer as well. I really believe a part of those complaints is due to lack of sleep.

Parents also report not getting enough sleep. In my own personal experience, as a mother of a toddler, I really don’t think I have  truly felt rested in over two years. As a parent, your mind is never completely free from worry or things to get done. This fatigue can have a negative effect on a couple’s relationship, as well as our relationships with friends and co-workers.

So What Can You Do?

Most of these suggestions are common sense, so they are really just my way of bringing the issue to your attention and maybe give you that extra nudge to make some small changes in your life that can help.

  • TRY to find more time in your schedule to sleep. I can hear many of you laughing at me already, but take a few moments to think about what you may be able to cut out of your morning or evening time to allow for more sleep. For example, maybe twice a week you and your spouse can alternate who wakes up with the kids to let the other sleep in, or who will do the dishes after dinner.
  • Maintain a regular pre-sleep routine. Whether you take a bath or read a book, it’s important to give your body signals that it’s time to shut down for the day. Same goes for your kids and teens.
  • Be aware of the effects of fatigue. You may not be able to add much more sleep into your schedule, so being aware of the effects that your lack of sleep can have on you will be important. If you feel grouchy and know you need more rest, be careful how you respond to others, especially your family. It’s easy to take it out on other people!

Here are some more articles you may find interesting. After you read these, get some rest!

Web MD What Lack of Sleep Does To Your Mind

National Center on Sleep Disorders Research article titled Sleep and Early Brain Development and Plasticity.

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Reasons to Get Moving

Shoes, A Teen, and Depression

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July 8, 2012 · 5:40 pm

Another Step In “All Tied Up with Worry”

If you have read my blog, you know I love sharing great therapeutic activities. I have already posted one of my favorites, which is using yarn to learn more about a person’s worries (see original post below). I added another step during a family therapy session that provided a strong visual impact and gave them an option to continue this technique at home.

  • I found face shapes of varying shades at a craft store and asked the client to choose a face that will represent them.

  • Instead of cutting paper squares to label the yarn, I used address labels since they are also stickers.
  • I then asked the client to stick each worry in the “brain” of their face shape. Once this was done, we talked about how worries can fill up their head and make it hard to think of other things, such as school work.

  • We then took each worry out of their “brain” and talked about various solutions and ways to deal with the worries. If the client chose, they could cut the worry down to make it shorter to indicate they felt a little better about the worry.

Since we used address labels to stick on the face shape, I demonstrated removing some of the worries. I emphasized the importance of talking about our problems and applying any stress reduction techniques we have reviewed in our sessions together. For this particular client, we referred to the relaxation flip books completed in a prior session.

  • The client took home their project and some blank labels so they can remove worries, or add worries. This was helpful for the mother to understand more about her child’s worries and removing or cutting a worry down also felt really good for the client!

Mom actually told me the whole family is on board in discussing their worries and the size of their worries with one another. This dialog has already improved the family’s communication and given the child permission to share their feelings with the parents. I was very excited to hear this!

Therapy is always full of opportunities for creativity. If you find another twist to this activity, or any others, please feel free to share!

Original Post On 4/16/12: 

Therapeutic Activity: All Tied Up With Worry

This is a great activity for helping someone to visualize their worries and gives great insight into what they may be worrying about the most. You can do this for yourself, your children, or professionals can use this on their clients. Great for all ages!!

The pictures below are from an actual client and I’ll discuss a little more about what I found.

What you will need: yarn, small squares of paper, and something to write with.

Next, talk about something the person worries about and pull out a string of yarn that represents how big the worry feels. Write the worry down on a piece of paper. Be sure to attach the worry to the string of yarn so you can keep track of which wory goes with which string of yarn.

Once all the worries have been mentioned and the yarn pulled, you can evaluate what you see. In my experience with this activity, I have found that some people have A LOT of worries. Others only have a few worries, but they may be really big. This also puts into perspective what worries are bigger than others. It’s a wonderful tool for gathering AND processing information!

This isn’t the greatest photo, but you can get the idea. There are three worries pictured, ranging in length from small to very long. The smallest worry is “worrying about mom not being able to support me” and the longest worry is getting in trouble for things he didn’t do. This is a school age child who had been getting into trouble so much lately that he was the first one pointed at when something went missing or a fight broke out in class. He was given an opportunity to talk about this issue and how he feels about getting in trouble so much.

This particular child did not have many worries, but some do. For those who have a lot of worries, we have balled up the yarn and talked about how all these worries in their head feel. Another option is to string the worries up into a web. I did this with a child around Halloween and he had a lot of fun, and actually added in some of those plastic spiders!

Many times the topics we are talking about can be emotionally heavy so adding in some fun and light-heartedness can help the person through the activity without leaving them feeling weighed down!

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