January 29, 2013 · 1:08 pm

Two Happy Homes: A Great Resource for Divorced and Single Parents

Two Happy Homes (www.twohappyhomes.com) is a wonderful website for divorced and single parents. I was recently introduced to this site when I was asked to write an article on a related topic.

familyYou can view my article, titled When Your Ex Bad-Mouths You In Front of Your Kids, in the Co-parenting Community section. Please let me know what you think!

This website features a number of resources for co-parents, including expert advice, a forum for fellow parents to stay connected and support one another, and help with organizing your busy lives. I’m honored to be a part of this community as part of the expert advice section and look forward to writing more on this topic!

If you have an idea related to divorce, single parenting, co-parenting, etc. that I can write on for this site, please let me know!

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January 23, 2013 · 10:57 am

Activities to Inspire and Motivate Teachers

I often receive excellent questions from readers and have decided to start posting some of them so we can all learn something! If you have a question, please don’t hesitate to email me!

I recently received this question from LaMonica, a school social worker in Chicago (one of my favorite vaca spots!):

inspire and motivate teachers 2

I am a school social worker in Chicago and love your blog :)   I am sometimes asked by my principal to give a short staff development activity to our teachers, and I would love some new ideas.  Generally when this happens I am not given a specific directive about a topic, but rather I am just asked to ‘do
something social/emotional’, often not something relating to students per say but rather about how to inspire and motivate teachers during the middle of the year when they are stressed to the max, etc.  Do you have any advice?

Here are a few ideas that came to my mind to help inspire and motivate some of Chicago’s amazing, but stressed out, teachers!
1. Sand Tray Activity: This might be fun if you already have sand tray materials. Get a couple sand trays (keep it simple with a tupaware box and minimal sand) and some miniatures. Ask the teachers to get in groups and, using the miniatures, create a picture in the sand of one side that pictures their best day and one side that pictures their worse day. Have them share with others when they are done and talk about those together. Sharing their bad day side will give them a sense of support and there will likely be a bit of humor. Sharing their good days will encourage them and remind them why they entered education in the first place. It will also allow you an opportunity to learn more about the needs of your teachers.
2. Stress Relief Education and Exercises: Talk about various ways to relieve stress in and out of the school. You can teach deep breathing and even go through a meditation activity. Inner Health Studio has a large variety of guided imagery scripts and worksheets on stress, anxiety, anger, and more. Your teachers would love you if you dim the lights and talk them through a guided imagery to relax and refresh them!
3. Tell Them How You Can Help: This is a great way to share all the many ways a school counselor or social worker and be of assistance to the teachers and other staff. I found this article, The Top 10 Ways School Counselors Can Support Teachers, to be a very straight forward list of how you can support the teachers. I suggest giving this as a handout as you go through each one on the list.
4. Anger Balloon Activity: I love this video on Anger Balloons because it is a fun demonstration of how anger can build up inside and explode if we don’t deal with it regularly. I use this in counseling and have the clients tell me what makes them angry and blow a little into the balloon with each thing. I suggest having one teacher blow into the balloon while the teachers shout out frustrations and things that stress them out throughout the year. Once the ballon is full, then you can continue with the demonstration about what would happen if you didn’t relieve some of the air (aka stress).
5. Filling Their Buckets: I wrote a post on bucket filling last year that I think would be a great activity to do with the teachers. I suggest getting the book. Read the book out loud for them. It’s a child’s book, but adults love getting read to! Then, have each teacher write down compliments, encouragement, and other bucket-filling statements for other teachers in the room. Depending on how many teacheres are there, you can have them all share in the meeting, or wait until afterward. You can even go so far as to get a “bucket” for every teacher so that others can drop special notes of encouragement for them over the next week, month, or semester.
If you are reading this and have ideas to share, please leave your comment!
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January 18, 2013 · 7:53 am

5 Ways Motherhood Has Changed Me As A Therapist

How Motherhood Has Made Me a Better Therapist.Kim's Counseling Corner

My son turns 2 years old today. It has gone by so fast and and I haven’t been a mom for all that long, but I know I have definitely changed. Thinking about all the joys and challenges over the last two years, I can’t help but also think about how motherhood has changed me professionally and made me into a better therapist.

1. I am more empathetic to parents. In counseling, we like to believe that we can empathize with just about everyone. After all, pain is pain, joy is joy, etc… no matter what the circumstance. I still think this is true to an extent. But now, when a parent sits across from me and says they are devastated because they don’t know why their child feels so sad, or they want to know where their little angel has gone, I think of my own children. How will I feel if my happy little guy is one day an adolescent who rages in my living room, or if my sweet girl one day talks about hating herself because she is not accepted at school. The pain for me is so unbearable. I channel this empathy towards my clients to help them see better days ahead.

2. I give limited “homework” assignments to parents now. Pre-motherhood, I had all kinds of homework for parents, such as charting 5 different aspects of a behavior during the week (when, where, why, your response, their response…sigh), completing daily exercises with their children, taking personal time out for an hour a day… can you imagine? I am much more cognizant of the daily demands of parenthood. Now, I still recommend personal time for parents, but aim for one hour a week, and my homework assignments are given with more realistic requirements. I get much more follow through now!

3. I am more confident. This increased confidence is not completely due to being a mother, but also due to just having more experience under my belt. However, I do feel that since I am a mom, I can connect better with parents and kids. I also feel more secure in setting personal boundaries for my time and commitments. As a professional who aims to teach healthy boundaries to my clients, being able to set them for my own life is important.

4. My priorities have changed. Now that my family life is set, I can begin working towards long term professional goals that sink with the demands of my family. For example, I hope to establish a successful private practice over the next several years that will allow me to schedule appointments during the time my kids are in school.

5. I have more life experience. No matter what field you work, life experience always give you a leg up. The more I live and the more life phases I enter and travel through, the more I can relate and offer help to others!

Check out these posts too!

Why I Became a Licensed Professional Counselor

Four Play Therapy Skills I Use In Parenting

No Longer a Supermom Wannabe!

 

 

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January 16, 2013 · 12:37 pm

Connecting With Your Child Through Play, Part 2: Getting Started in Filial Therapy

Connecting With Your Child Through Play, Part 2 Getting Started; Kim's Counseling Corner Last week, I posted an Introduction to Filial Therapy. Don’t let the name deter you from reading further. This is simply a tool that play therapists use to create and strengthen the relationship between parents and children.

Today, I am going to share the first few steps in getting started in this special play time with your child! We will talk about who will be included, where the play time should be held, a time to schedule, what to tell your child, and what play materials you will need. I am so excited about this blog series because I know so many parents and children can benefit from devoting this time together!!

Getting Started:

Who: This play time is recommended for ONE parent and ONE child together at a time. It doesn’t matter if it’s mom or dad. I recommend these sessions for children between the ages of 3 years and 7 years of age.

When: Decide upon a specific play session time. I recommend starting with 20-30 minutes, once a week. Choose a time when you will have little to no interruptions and you can focus your attention solely on the child. You also want to consider a time when your child will be fed and rested to avoid any irritability or fussiness.

Where: Choose a room that has little distrations for you and your child. You will be putting the toys on the floor so consider somewhere with decent floor space. If all the rooms in your house are regularly used, just make sure the space is clean (to minimize the distration of thinking about the mess).

What To Tell The Child: Tell your child that you want to spend more quality time with them and you have chosen the special time, place, and toys to play together. Make the focus on your desire to spend time with them, rather than wanting anything from the child.

Play Materials: Below is a list of toys and play materials to collect, but first I have a few pointers/guidelines.

  1. Store your toys in a special box or bag, away from the child’s other toys.
  2. Do not allow the child to bring in any toys or take any toys from this box of designated toys.
  3. You can find many of these toys at dollar stores and garage sales. Don’t fret about spending a lot of money!
  4. If you cannot find every toy on this list, do NOT let it keep you from getting started. If you have a good amout of the toys, or find good substitute, then you are good to go!
  5. And finally, below is a list of toys to get started.
  • Play-doh
  • Paper
  • Crayons
  • Child scissors
  • Glue (I prefer stick glue)
  • Pencil
  • Scotch tape
  • 1-2 small cars
  • Police car
  • Fire truck
  • Ambulance
  • 2 cell phones (I use an old cell I no longer use)
  • Medical kit
  • Toy swords
  • Handcuffs
  • Kitchen set (couple dishes and toy food)
  • Baby doll
  • Baby doll accessories (such as a bottle, diaper, clothes)
  • Set of animals (such as a lion, elephant, monkey, shark, dog, pig, etc)
  • 2 soft animals
  • Deck of cards
  • Small ball
  • Noise maker (such as a maraca or toy drum)

I gathered a small sample of toys from my play room to give you an example of the types of toys you will be gathering. Happy hunting!

filial 1filial 2filial 3filial 5filial 4

Need to catch up on this series?

Connecting With Your Child Through Play, Part 1: Introduction

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January 9, 2013 · 10:31 am

Creative Ways To Teach Deep Breathing To Kids

I forgot to share with you all a newsletter article I have featured on Liana Lowenstein’s December newsletter. Please check it out! There is a lot of great information shared in her monthly newsletter so I encourage you to sign up!

Creative Ways to Teach Deep Breathing to Kids

 

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January 7, 2013 · 6:43 pm

Connecting With Your Child Through Play: An Introduction to Filial Therapy

happy familyOne of the most important things we can do as parents is to connect with our child. There are many ways to accomplish this, including regular communication, spending time together, and teaching them new things. Entering their world of play is also an effective way to connect with your child. As a play therapist, one of the tools I use to help the child and their family is something we call filial theray.  I am basically teaching parents some basic tools and skills I use in play therapy to carry over into the home.

The purpose of filial therapy is to create, maintain, or improve the bond between parent and child. If you have not had the opportunity to enter into your child’s (or any child’s) world of play, you are in for a treat! I am going to talk about getting down on their level, reflecting what you see and hear, and interacting in a totally new way with your child. In addition, this one-on-one time with your child may also help to improve attention-seeking behaviors and separation anxiety by giving them positive attention they need and desire.

This is different from “play therapy“ because there is no interpretation, no evaluation, and no thinking hat required. You are simply being asked to offer your child a special time to play with special toys and a special person (you!).

Child with picture and brush in play room.Why Filial Therapy Works

(Adapted from worksheet by Emily Oe, Ph.D.)

  • The focus is on the parent(s) and the child.
  • The play time gives the parent(s) a different focus by taking them out of the critical role of teaching and correcting.
  • It places the parent(s) in a situation where they can be more objective with their child. They learn something new about their child and develop more realistic expectations.
  • It lessons or removes the stigma of failure (mistakes can be redeemed). The focus is on the future: what they can do rather than past behaviors/problems.
  • It changes parents’ expectations of themselves.
  • The child begins to see their parents differently- as allies on their side.
  • It is a self-correcting means of learning within a moving process.

Benefits to Parents

  • The time with the child is scheduled and uninterrupted.
  • It is an oasis pull-aside time-relaxing- no entertaining.
  • There is less pressure to teach, to do right, to be on the spot.
  • Parental self-confidence is increased.
  • They feel more in control.
  • They are more accepting of themselves and their children.
  • They have less guilt.

What We Will Be Learning (Upcoming Posts)

Who, When, and Where: Getting ready

Tools of The Trade: Toys recommended just for this special play time

Play Therapy Skills: basic skills to use during play time with your kids

Special Scenarios: Setting Limits and FAQs

If you are a parent of a child 8 years and under, this is a great activity for you to engage in with your child or children! If you are a therapist who works with children and families, filial therapy can be an excellent therapeutic tool to use in conjunction with your regular therapy interventions. I can’t wait to get started!!

You May Also Like:

5 Qualities of a Good Child Therapist

Parenting Quick Tip: Mention the Good Stuff Too!

Sibling Rivalry: Treating Kids Fairly versus Equally

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December 30, 2012 · 7:16 pm

Distracter Blasters!

Reblogged from Jill Kuzma's SLP Social & Emotional Skill Sharing Site:

Click to visit the original post
  • Click to visit the original post

As I mentioned in my previous post, many of my 4th and 5th grade students have been learning about managing their Attention and Focus skills.  In this post, I am sharing a resource I created to help students learn about ways to manage these distractions - I call them "DISTRACTER BLASTERS!"  In order to create even more excitment about these tools, we used one of those fun, stomp-air-rocket toys, where you stomp on a pedal and a rocket shoots out. 

Read more… 144 more words

Jill shares a fun way to teach kids ways to battle distractions. This is such a common problem for kids, including those with symptoms of ADHD, and this is a helpful tool for improving their attention!

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December 18, 2012 · 11:33 am

Finding the Helpers

During this time of unimaginable pain for the lives lost in Connecticut, I am comforted a little by Fred Rogers’ quote:

When I was a boy and would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

During tragedies like this, we notice all the helpers come out of the woodwork… police, fire fighters, pastors, and counselors. I read some excellent advice today on the facebook page for the Association for Play Therapy. If you are a mental health professional (play therapist, social worker, counselor, etc.), register with your local schools, public officials, and American Red Cross so that you can help your community in a time of need. Thank you to all the first responders, teachers, parents, religious leaders, and more, who are coming together to help our neighbors in need.

More inspirational quotes by Fred Rogers:

If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person

Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them in nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.

We all have different gifts and different ways of saying to the world who we are. The world needs a sense of worth, and it will achieve it only by its people feeling they are worth while.

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December 14, 2012 · 5:57 pm

A Simple Game For Building a Stronger Family

stronger familyJohn Gottman, PhD, who is basically the king of marriage therapy in my opinion, gets couples to play a game to enhance a couple’s Love Maps. The general concept is that each person in a relationship has a “love map” in which they store information about their partner. The relationships that last have partners with “full” love maps. In other words, they know a lot about their partner’s dreams, fears, goals, hopes, quirks, likes, dislikes, and so on.

This concept of the love map has me thinking lately… I wonder if this can apply to families as well? Are happy families also in tune with one another on a deep emotional level as well? By pulling from the idea of Gottman’s love map for couples, I have come up with questions for families. This game can be played with children from preschool on up, but questions may be modified. If you don’t like these, or think of more great questions, go ahead and change it up a bit. And if you have good questions, please share with the rest of us! :)

Step 1: As a family, decide upon 10 numbers between 1 and 40.

Step 2: One family member at a time takes a number and the corresponding question from the list below and asks another family member to answer. The person asking may choose who they want to ask this question. If other members want to voluntarily share their answer, they may do so only after the first person chosen has answered.

Final Tip: There is not much to this game other than answering some questions, so I recommend doing it over pizza, during a winter camp fire, before starting a movie, or just before bed time.

Questions:

  1. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
  2. When do you get angry?
  3. What are your three favorite past times?
  4. What is your ideal vacation and who would you bring?
  5. If you received a $5000 gift, how would you spend it?
  6. If you could be the top player in any sport, what would it be?
  7. Describe one of you happiest memories with your family.
  8. What do you like most about yourself?
  9. What do you like most about your family?
  10. What is your favorite season of the year?
  11. What do you desire most for your birthday this year?
  12. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
  13. Where do you see yourself in 15 years?
  14. What book or magazine are you currently reading?
  15. What is your favorite board game?
  16. What is your favorite card game?
  17. What talents are you most proud of?
  18. Share a time when your feelings were hurt.
  19. Tell about a time when you felt proud of yourself.
  20. Tell about a time when you felt supported by one, or more, person in your family.
  21. Tell about a time when you stood up for someone or something.
  22. What do you feel challenged by lately?
  23. Where is your favorite room in the house?
  24. Where do you feel safest?
  25. Say three words to describe how you are feeling right now.
  26. If you could be invisible, where would you go?
  27. If you could have a super power, what would it be?
  28. What are your three favorite foods?
  29. What do you like most about yourself?
  30. If you discovered a burried treasure, what would you hope to be inside?
  31. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
  32. If everything in your life changed except for one thing, what would be the one thing that stayed the same?
  33. If you could have lunch with a famous person, who would it be?
  34. What is the greatest change that has ever taken place in your life?
  35. What values have you learned from your parents?
  36. Who do you most desire to be like?
  37. What is your favorite cartoon?
  38. Talk about a time when someone helped you.
  39. Talk about a time when you helped someone.
  40. What is your favorite section at the zoo?

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· 5:35 pm

Thinking Back On 2012 and Ahead To 2013

2012 has been quite a year for me. A lot has changed, both personally and professionally. So, for those of you who know me well, this review will be no surprise, and for those of you who are new to my blog you may learn something about me you don’t know. In my 20′s, I learned that I am responsible for myself and no  one else in this world can make things happen for me, except for me. In my 30′s, I have learned that I cannot control everything that happens in my life. Challenges and blessings will be thrown my way, and even when I try to plan my year, I must be ready for unexpected things to happen. So, I write this list and plan to make these things happen, but I am also preparing myself for surprises. This time last year, I would have never expected to have a blog, be in private practice, and have a new baby!!

Major, Memorable, or Significant Events/Changes in 2012 (In no particular order)

My sweet daughter, Molly, was born (ok, so maybe this one is the best part of the year).

I could never have imagined a happier, more beautiful girl. She truly is a sweet spirit in our house, blessing us with a smile that lights up a room and a tender spirit that is more precious than words can describe.

In February, I launched Kim’s Counseling Corner.

Can you believe this blog is still less than A year old? I started the blog as a way to talk about my passion, and that’s what I did. It has come to open many doors and introduce me to some wonderful people in the blogging and counseling worlds. I honestly did not expect the response I have received. I look forward to continued growth, but overall being able to continue blogging about what I love!

I started private practice.

After many years of working with the same company, where I learned and grew so much, I decided it was time for change. I can now focus more on my family, as well as take the next step professionally. I am thankful to have met an amazing group of therapists and build my practice along side them.

I became a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor (LPC-S). 

To be an LPC-S, an LPC must have a certain number of years of experience and complete 40 hours of training (think class room lecture style). As an LPC-S, I am approved by the great state of Texas to supervise new LPC interns as they start their career. I wanted to do this because it’s important for me to give back to the field and share what I have learned. In addition, there are few supervisors who are also play therapists, so interns interested in learning this style of therapy have one more option for supervision out there.

My son turned 1 year old.

Now, already about to turn 2, I am in awe of how fast time flies when you are having fun (or changing diapers, calming tantrums, reading books, giving baths, preparing meals, kissing “hurts” and rocking to sleep). He is already so funny, sensitive, intelligent, strong, and adventurous and I am blessed to be his mommy.

I made Liana Lowenstein’s list of favorite things!

I can’t tell you how much an honor it is to get a nod from Ms. Lowenstein. She chose me as her favorite website for 2012. I still have a hard time believing my blog is that great, but it sure is a confidence booster and has encouraged me to keep on blogging, even when time is tight!

So, what’s in store for me in 2013?
It’s impossible for us to know what really awaits us in the new year, but we can at least realistic goals and look forward to new challenges and blessings.

Complete marriage therapy training with The Gottman Institute.

If you have noticed my references to John Gottman in the past, it is because I am working on marital therapy training, along with a few fellow colleagues. Gottman’s marriage therapy is based on years of scientific research on couples and marriages. I look forward to continuing to growth in this area of my profession by mastering the Gottman techniques.

Focus on physical fitness and mindfulness.

So cliche’ I know! Before my first born, I was very much into running, weights, and yoga. In fact, I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington, DC with my husband just a few short months before getting pregnant. I don’t have aspirations to run like that again, but I miss the feeling of being strong and healthy. I also practiced yoga and meditation regularly. This was for my emotional health, as well as physical. Now that my life has so many more demands, I am going to have to make it a priority and work it in when I can. Expect some blog posts on this!

Continue to grow Kim’s Counseling Corner.

Writing to you is therapy for me. I often feel a sense of connection with the readers and others in my field. I also learn a lot. When I write about a topic, I typically spend a good amount of time reading what others have written on the topic, finding resources, or reviewing my own client histories and progress. And finally, it also gives me a feeling of accomplishment and contribution to the field of counseling, play therapy, and psychology.

 

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