Tag Archives: anger management

Guest Post: All About Psycho-Social Rehabilitation (PSR)!

All About Psycho-Social RehabilitationHello from the Potato State! My name is Stacey and I am co-runner of a little Idaho blog called: A PSR Gathering. I am here today to give a little insight on what we do!

In Idaho we have an awesome service offered to children and adults called PSR or Psycho-Social Rehabilitation. PSR is not available to everyone (it is a Medicaid only service and not in every state) which examples the blank stares I often get when I tell people what I do. Katie and I work with children (ages 4-19 is the general range of clients) but, adult services are available! Clients who qualify for PSR have been diagnosed with a Serious Emotional Disturbance (SED) for children, or a Severe and Persistent Mental Disorder (SPMD) for adults. I am going to keep this simple and sweet for you today, if you have a questions feel free to ask!

Who?

Have a Bachelors degree (in Social Services, Early Childhood Education, Sociology, Social Work, Psychology, and the like)? You can do PSR! You will have to gain a USPRA certification though, if you wish to work in the state of Idaho. Some states even require a master’s degree.

About us:

Katie (on the left): I graduated with a BAS in Child Care and Development from Boise State University in 2009. I have lived in Boise the majority of my life, am married with two dogs and with what spare time I can find love to travel, run, camp and read.  I have worked with kids for about 15 years in many different ways, from camp counselor to tutor to Pre-school teacher! I have been working as a PSR Specialist for about two and a half years now, and am just feeling like I’m getting the hang of it!

Stacey (on the right): I graduated from Boise State University in 2010, with my B.F.A in Drawing and studies in Psychology and Art Therapy. My family moved us to Boise when I was 10 and we have been here ever since. I just bought a house a street over from my childhood home and live there with my boyfriend of many years and our bully breed pup, Penny. I have too many interests to list but the tops are: creating, motorcycles, bargain hunting and kicking back! I have always had a passion for helping others, which has given me the opportunity to work in an array of jobs.  From working with animals, to slinging coffee or advising college students… I’ve done it all! I have been a PSR specialist for going on two years and can’t wait to see where it takes me.

What do we do as PSR workers?

PSR is individual skill based training, such as anger management, social skills emotions recognition, etc.

When do we work?

Each client qualifies for about 4-5 hours per week. We work in the community so our hours are outside of school hours–afternoons, night and weekends. As you can imagine we love summer for its flexibility!

So…an office? School?…where do you work?

PSR is a community-based position, no office (unless your car counts–I haven’t used my trunk for purposes other than hauling around ‘PSR’ tools for 2 years now-ha!). We work in the homes or take them out into the community to work. Libraries, malls, Barnes and Noble, coffee shops, parks–you get the idea.

Why?

Our goal(s) in PSR are simple. When a client comes into PSR a treatment plan is designed that consists of measurable and behaviorally specific objectives. PSR is there to build skills to better communicate, interact within society, build relationships, handle situations and overall be the best kiddos they can be!

How?

We do an array of activities with clients (based on age, understanding and needs). Being out in the community and in the homes, we get a good glimpse on what our clients are like when their ‘guard’ is down, which lends to a lot of  ‘real life training.’ We also get to be silly kids our selves by using play and art to teach our clients new skills! Check http://www.psrideaweb.com/for awesome activity ideas!

PSR Gathering

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Filed under Child Therapy, Therapeutic Activities

50 Activities and Games Dealing With Anger

background courtesy freedigitalphotos.net

Over time, I have come across many anger-related activities from websites, blogs, and more. I decided to gather them all in one place and came up with a list of 50. If you have any other tools targeting anger, please share with the rest of us!

Activities:

1. Angry Paper Toss

2. Creating a Calm Down Box

3. Deep Breathing Activities

4. Angry Tornado

This anger management activity can show a client how anger can build up inside a person. It can also show the client that when they feel an angry tornado building up inside of them they can use coping skills to help defuse the anger.

5. The Tower

With this activity the play therapy client will create a “visual” of their problems being locked away in a tower and come up with solutions to solving these problems. If the play therapy client is not ready to create a solution to the problem the client can still benefit by visualizing the problem locked away in the tower. The play therapy client can become empowered by separating themselves from the problem that is locked away in the tower.

6. Anger Control Problem Solving Cards

Anger control cards define problems experienced in a variety of settings and enable children to develop self-awareness and behavorial skills.

7. The Angry Octopus Activity

8. Anger Management Flip Book

9. Calm Down Sandwichesphoto of a strategy sandwich

The ingredients – some meat and cheese, two tomato slices and a piece of lettuce – represent the things that we’ve talked about trying when the worries start to overwhelm.

10. The M&M Anger Game

11. Power Cards

Power Cards are highly visual and they contain short blurbs or lists of information that will help a child in various situations that he may come across.

12. Don’t Be Caught Being Angry. Be A Smart Fish.

13. Anger Map

14. How Big Is Your Anger Worksheet

15. Don’t Be An Angry Bird and Cool Down Strategies

16. Balloon Anger Activity

17. When Sophie Gets Angry

After reading When Sophie Gets Angry–Really, Really Angry…, we played a game with the tree pictured. I gave students examples of things that made them or Sophie angry and had students put a leaf on the tree for their response.

18. Anger Gage

19. Cooling Off a Hot Temper: Reset The Thermostat

20. Books That Help Kids Deal With Anger

21. Relaxing Rice Jars

22. Anger Control Puppets

The Anger Management Puppet Set includes 3 Puppets, a CD of recorded script and catchy original music, and a separate guide. The two scripts and one CD that are designed to help counselors, teachers, or parents teach children about how to be a good sport and how to deal with anger. These puppets are suitable for small and large hands are quite durable. They are made for long term use.

23. Hidden Heart Group Activity

For people to recognize and understand that the anger they keep on the inside affects how they live their lives. To help people recognize the good things that they have in their hearts and to encourage them to share this part of themselves with others.

24. Anger Management Cards

Give these cards to students to use throughout their day. Have them place their thumb behind the card and watch for the color change to reveal how calm they can make themselves. Four useful steps to anger control are provided on the back of each card.

25. Turtle Time Relaxation Technique

26. Humortunities: Using Laughter Meditation to Let Go and Relax

27. Fun and Easy To Make Relaxation Flip Books

Kids had fun practicing these, and it was inexpensive to reproduce laminated flip books to send home with clients.

28. Mind Movie: The Relaxed You

29. Sailing Through the Icy Fields of Anger (online interactive tool)

30. Squeeze Your Angries Out (online interactive tool)

Games:

1. Escape From Anger Island

Escape form Anger Island™ is designed with the busy counselor in mind, and it can be played in just 15 minutes. There are six skills in total, and one skill is the focus of each 15 minute session. Kids can play multiple times to learn all six skills.

2. Anger Blob Cards

These cards depict different elements of the anger cycle. Using appropriate cards in a variety of activities discussed in the accompanying booklet will facilitate awareness of the causes of anger and help to work out ways to overcome those triggers. For use one-to-one or with small or large groups.

3. Anger Control Dominos

In this new game, players have fun playing dominoes while learning to manage their anger and problem-solve in a thoughtful, assertive, and respectful way.

 

4. Berenstain Bears Keep Your Cool Card Game

This game is intended to introduce the concept of anger management to children, while encouraging them to talk about things that bother them. The game is played like the familiar children’s card game of War, but with a peaceful twist!

5. Keep Your Cool Game

The game can be introduced with two included short stories about “Self-Control Seth” and “Bad Attitude Brittany.” Also included are ideas for reinforcing the concepts presented in the game.

6. Stop That Angry Thought Card Game

Here’s a deck of cards that teaches children how to manage their anger. Using two internal dialog techniques—Thought Stopping and Self-Talk—kids can stop anger in its tracks. By simply playing cards, they learn to envision a stop sign whenever their anger is triggered and to replace their angry thoughts with more positive responses.

7. Angry Animals

Angry Aardvark, Cranky Crab, Furious Frog, Mad Meerkat, Peeved Pig, and Raging Racoon teach children how to respond to anger in healthy ways. As they move from the Anger Volcano to Tranquility Beach—with occasional visits to the Time-Out Tent—kids answer game card questions about behavior, responsibility, sibling rivalry, conflict, and relationships. Along the way, they learn that anger is a natural feeling, neither good nor bad. It’s the way one expresses anger that matters.

8. Smart and Angry

Smart and Angry is a therapeutic and educational board game designed to teach young people specific skills that will help them look objectively at anger-provoking situations and react in a thoughtful, assertive, and respectful way. It is not the anger that gets kids in trouble, but rather the actions they take when they are angry, that determine whether they can solve the problem or make things worse. In addition, many people misread situations and become angry when it is inappropriate.

9. Peacetown: A Conflict Resolution Game

10. The Anger Solution Game

11. Remote Control Anger Control

12. Positive Ways To Handle Anger Card Game

The Positive Ways to Handle Anger Card Game is played like the classic Old Maid card game. There are 20 sets of matching cards that show positive, safe ways to handle angry feelings. Each game includes playing instructions, information about anger and how to use the game as an educational tool.

13. The Berenstain Bears Keep Your Cool Bingo

14. The Berenstain Bears Keep Your Cool Card Game

15. Stop That Angry Thought Card Game

16. Exploring My Anger Board Game

17. Anger IQ (Adolescence through Adult)

The Anger IQ game educates players about the hazards of irrational thinking associated with anger, and gives them practice avoiding them by using a set of principles for dealing with anger. Players will translate this rehearsal of responsible decisions made under conditions of anger to the real world. This combined use of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and Social Learning Theory is particularly effective.

18. “I Was So Mad” Anger Game

This game helps children learn how to stay cool and not blow up when they are angry. The object of the “I Was So Mad” Anger Game is to help children learn positive ways to control and regulate themselves when they are angry.

19. Anger Bingo for Teens

20. Mad Dragon: An Anger Control Card Game

feature imageThis fast-paced therapeutic card game helps children control their anger in the moment, practice effective anger management techniques, and understand what anger looks and feels like. Mad Dragon plays like the popular card game Uno.

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Filed under Anger, Child Therapy, Therapeutic Activities

Wizard Therapists? Video Games That Target Depression, Anger Management, and Social Skills

Technology is playing more and more of a role in our lives today and the mental health field is taking advantage of all there is to offer as well. I was happy to come across some creative uses of this technology in treating mental and behavioral health. Video games!!

While there are just a few listed here, and two are not even ready for distribution, I am still excited to see the possibilities in using video games for good, rather than just promoting violence. In addition, these games are created with clinical professionals and undergoing clinical testing.

SPARKS- Using Avatars to Treat Depression

SPARKS video game in New Zealand has created a video game to combat teenage depression using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.According the the Sparx website, this game is NOT yet available for distribution as it is still going through clinical trials. I will keep watch though!

...And here's your new therapists: the SPARX computer game uses cognitive behavioural therapy to try to remove depression

“…And here’s your new therapists: the SPARX computer game uses cognitive  behavioural therapy to try to remove depression
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2181640/Meet-new-wizard-therapists-New-Zealand-trials-video-game-uses-role-playing-games-try-beat-depression.html#ixzz24fN7hOsV

Rather than simply encouraging players to  engage in combat or destruction, the SPARX video game developed in New Zealand  attempts to teach teenagers how to deal with depression using the psychological  approach known as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

Just as importantly, its creators set out to  make the game exciting for those teenagers who are often reluctant to seek  counselling and bored by well-meaning advice on how to cope with  depression.

The result is a role-playing fantasy game,  where teenagers adopt a warrior avatar and get to blast negative thoughts with  fireballs while trying to save the world from sinking into a mire of pessimism  and despair.

Project leader Sally Merry, a child and  adolescent psychiatrist at Auckland University, said the unconventional approach  had proved popular with teenagers, allowing them to address their issues in  privacy and at their own pace.

‘You can deal with mental health problems in  a way that doesn’t have to be deadly serious,’ she said. ‘The therapy doesn’t  have to be depressing in and of itself. We’re aiming to make it fun.’

RAGE CONTROL (Regulate And Gain Emotional Control)

According to an online article by Harvard Magazine, this video game is being tested as a way to help kids deal with anger and gaining control of their emotions.

The pilot study at Children’s Hospital Boston tests an intervention that features a video game based on the 1980s arcade favorite Space Invaders. Players shoot down space aliens, but with an important modification: they wear a monitor on one pinkie that tracks heart rate as they play. If that indicator rises above resting levels—signaling that they’re overexcited—players lose the ability to shoot.

Succeeding at the game, known as RAGE Control (Regulate and Gain Emotional Control), is a careful balancing act. “You need to learn how to control your level of arousal,” he says, “but just enough that you can still react rapidly and make quick decisions.”

Participants play during sessions with Peter Ducharme, a licensed clinical social worker who has adapted traditional anger-management therapy to complement the game. During the course of five hour-long sessions, he teaches kids strategies to regulate their emotional states—including deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation—and then encourages them to experiment to see which strategies aid their game play.

SECOND LIFE

Second Life is a real world style of video game where players create their own avatar and interact with the social world around them. It is now being used to help individuals with Aspergers and others on the Autism spectrum learn to interact socially, but at their own pace. Brigadoon is the project leading this trend. I can see where there would be some controversery surrounding the use of Second Life for this purpose, but, while games are not a replacement for real social interaction, it’s a good start for some. After all, we need to meet them where they are first.

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Filed under Books and Resources

A Therapist’s Tote of Techniques: Deep Breathing!

When I mentioned I was going to be sharing my “best therapeutic techniques,” I imagine some of you were surprised when I said deep breathing would be first on my list to share. This should tell you how important it is to know good breathing technique and how often it is used in treating all kinds of symptoms- anxiety, anger, nervousness, worry, and so on. (By the way, this image is meant to get you in the mood to relax!)

I’ll also share some fun ways to teach kids about deep breathing exercises!

5 Reasons to Practice Deep Breathing

  1. It’s FREE! There is no cost for you to learn or apply this technique and it is an excellent tool for stress and anger management.
  2. It tricks your body into thinking it is in a calm state (as opposed to the fight or flight state).When we are in a state of stress, our bodies are in a “fight or flight” response, meaning it is reacting as if there is a threat present and we either need to stay and fight the threat or run away. When our bodies are in this state, our heart rate rises and our breathing becomes rapid and shallow.
  3. Deep Breathing gives you energy! The act of breathing deeply helps to deliver nutrient rich oxygen throughout your body.
  4. This delivery of oxygen also helps to eliminate waist in the body an help maintain healthy cells.
  5. It’s a useful technique to have ready when the time comes. Practice now so when you are feeling angry, anxious, etc., you will be prepared to use it!

When To Use Deep Breathing

  • If you are nervous about an important meeting, public speaking engagement, or personal situation you are about to face.
  • When you feel angry. You may notice your heart beating faster, face getting hot, and an urge to react to the source of your anger.
  • If you are feeling an urge to do something you don’t want to do.
  • Anytime you feel the need to relax and de-stress.

Teaching about deep breathing proved to be difficult without a visual aid. Unfortunately, I could not find one that I was comfortable adding to my blog. So… for your entertainment, I made a short video of my own to teach you proper deep breathing technique (no laughing!).

VIEW MY TUTORIAL VIDEO HERE FOR PROPER BREATHING TECHNIQUE! 
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NOW, FUN WAYS TO TEACH THE KIDS!
I have found that teaching kids about deep breathing is similar to teaching them other things… you have to trick them into thinking they are not learning or practicing something important! Here are some fun activities to help your kids learn about deep breathing. Once they learn the skill, teach them how and when to apply deep breathing.
 
Blowing a Pinwheel
Such a simple, yet fun toy! Who doesn’t love to watch the pinwheel colors mix together as it spins?
  1. Have your child take a deep breath (remind them slow and deep)
  2. Hold their breath for 2 seconds
  3. Release their breath by blowing the pinwheel
  4. Repeat 2 more times

Candle and Flower

  1. Gather together a candle (you can light it if you feel your child is old enough) and a flower
  2. Starting with the flower, have your child take a deep breath (remind them slow and deep) through their nose as if they are smelling the flower
  3. When they are breathing in the flower, have them pretend they are breathing in good, calm feelings
  4. Hold their breath for 2 seconds
  5. Release their breath by slowly blowing out the candle, pretending that they are breathing out the angry, yucky feelings
  6. Repeat 2 more times

References: www.webmd.com www.kidsrelaxation.com http://www.stress-and-relaxation.com/deep-breathing.html

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Filed under Child Therapy, Self Care, Series: Therapist's Tote of Techniques

Angry Paper Toss

I have to share an activity I recently found online by Dr. Amy Wickstrom that has been a wonderful tool in therapy. I began using this just last week since the weather has been so beautiful. I have to admit that I figured some of the kids I brought out for this activity would only half way participate. However, to my surprise, all the kids have enjoyed this exercise! Many people have a difficult time saying what makes them angry and are more comfortable writing it down or drawing a picture. Plus, the physical activity and fresh air also got them to open up even more. This activity can be used for most any age, even adults! It can also be done with one person writing or in a group. I also encourage families to do this activity together!

Here is how it works:

1. Gather together some large white paper, markers, napkins or toilet paper, tape, and a container of water.

2. Tape up the paper somewhere, like the side of a building, or even on a driveway.

3. Have each participant write down situations or people that make them angry. I also allowed them to include things that annoy them. Also, some kids chose to draw pictures rather than write in words.

4. Dip the napkins in water. The more soaked the paper is, the better it sticks. The marker actually drips down and the words or drawing fade. Visually seeing their words or drawing drip and fade away was a lot of fun for the kids, and me!

5. Right after the activity, process how it felt to write down their anger. Ask how it felt to toss the paper at the drawings. And finally, talk about how you feel after. If you are doing this as part of therapy, processing the activity is key to really dealing with the issues. As a family, just completing the activity can get people to open up with one another and promote bonding.

Please view the Angry Toilet Paper Toss video by Dr. Wickstrom and let me know how it works for you! I’m sure she would love to hear about your thoughts as well (www.morethanatoy.com)!

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A Therapist’s Tote of Techniques

NEW BLOG SERIES!

I will be starting a new series “A Therapist’s Tote of Techniques” to share what I feel to be some of my most important and/or most used therapeutic techniques. I am looking forward to this series because most of these are simple, easy to learn techniques that anyone can apply. Another term for this concept is “tools in a toolbox.” I don’t know about the rest of you, but I just don’t carry around a tool box as much as I do my favorite tote bags. Men can substitute “tote” for the old fashioned “tool box” if needed! :)

Some Techniques and Categories to look forward to:

  • Managing emotions
  • Managing behaviors
  • Reflecting of feelings
  • Relaxation
  • Reframing
  • Cognitive Behavioral strategies
  • Boundary setting
  • Play Therapy Techniques

CREATING YOUR OWN TOTE BAG OF TECHNIQUES:

My goal is to share with you some basic techniques so you can fill your own “tote  of techniques” to use in your daily life. It’s important for me to communicate to my clients that one size does not fit all. This means that what technique worked for your neighbor’s kid will not necessarily work with yours! And what techniques one person uses may not be one you are comfortable using. Take behavior charts for example. I have heard some disagreements with the use of this tool as a means of behavior management, some from those

who do not think they work, and others who don’t find them to fit within their frame work of parenting style. My response: then don’t add that tool to your tote bag! There are many options available and you have to find what is right for you and your family.

Upcoming Post: Deep Breathing

The first technique to be featured is Deep Breathing! It seems simple, but it’s a very important one. I will talk about why it is so important, how it works, how to do it, and when and how to apply this technique. If you are not already following this blog and want to read future posts, please follow this blog via email, twitter, or facebook at http://www.facebook.com/KimsCounseling!

You may also like to read my post about behavior modification tools.

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Filed under Problems and Concerns, Self Care, Series: Therapist's Tote of Techniques

Using Signs to Teach Your Toddler About Feelings

As a counselor, I spend a lot of time teaching kids how to identify and communicate their feelings. So when my son Max (14 months) was having a meltdown this weekend, I realized that now is the time to start giving him words (akasigns) to express those emotions. Now is the time to start teaching him there is a word for these feelings he is having and that it’s normal to feel angry, frustrated, etc. So, I opened up my baby sign book and dug out the feelings cards. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not under any fantasies that Max will no longer tantrum or tantrum  any less fiercely, but this is an important first step in teaching my son about his feelings.

I use a book titled Baby Sign Language by Karine Shemel Rosenberg. It comes with colorful flashcards and information on the benefits of signing and how and when to start signing with your baby. Here are the feelings flashcards in this book. You can also see where to purchase this book and see my comments and others at my  Goodreads review.

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Applying similar techniques I use when teaching more verbal children about feelings, I can start teaching my young toddler. Here are a few simple things I’ll be focused on:

- Choose which signs you want to focus on, learn them yourself, and get other caregivers (nanny, grandparent, etc) involved. The more exposure to the signs the better.

-At the moment he shows the feeling (angry, sad, happy) say and sign the feeling using an empathetic tone.

- At the moment we see others expressing that feeling, especially another child, say and sign the feeling.
- When he is angry, help him learn to calm himself down by modeling a calm state and offering something that may help calm him such as a quiet room, favorite toy, or affection.
- When he calms, tell him “good job calming yourself down.” This sends the message he has control of his emotions.

It is never too early (or too late) to start using these techniques with your child. Their little brains are constantly taking in information and forming connections about their environment and learning behaviors from those around them. Applying these techniques can also take time to get used to, but will be second nature before you know it.

Max is learning his signs quite well these days, communicating his wants and needs to those around him. I am so happy to see when he is able use these signs rather than become upset. If you have been a parent of young children, you understand how frustrating it can be (for baby and you) when they have to fuss because they don’t know any other way to communicate their needs. There is a lot of literature that stands behind the wonderful emotional and psychological benefits of babies learning sign language. I’ll add some resources below to learn more about infant signing.

I have already started teaching these feeling signs and when Max gets the hang of them, I will post a follow up and let you know how it has worked out. If you have already been down this road, I would love to hear about your experience too!

http://www.babysignlanguage.com/ is a fantastic  website to check out. They offer a lot of information on signing, free flash cards, and even have video to show you how to do some of the more complicated signs.

http://signingbaby.com/main/index.php is also a good resource. There are videos of babies signing as well as an index of words.

For a good book, check out Baby Sign Language by clicking on my Goodreads review on the right hand side of this blog. Just above the Goodreads link, click on my Vodpod link to find videos I like. There is a really good video showing a baby signing for her mom. So cute!

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Filed under Behavior Modification, Discipline, Limit Setting, Child Development

Reasons to Get Moving!

I slept really well this weekend and even had more energy today and realized it was because I got to workout this weekend! Many people are familiar with the benefits of exercise on their physical health, but research shows just as many benefits to a person’s mental health as well. These benefits are both immediate (after the first session of physical activity) as well as long term. Exercise is a natural way to feel happier, less stressed, and improve your relationships. Not only is exercise good for your health, but it’s good for your kids too. So take a brief moment to read on, then grab a water, and get your body moving!

Depression: When a person exercises, their body releases endorphins, which are the chemicals in the body that lead to positive feelings. These positive feelings are said to be similar to those felt by morphine, the body’s natural pain killer, and are often referred to as the “runners high.”

Stress: When we are stressed, our body is in a “fight or flight” state and releases cortisol (sometimes called our stress-response hormone). If the body remains in this state over a long period of time, significant physical and psychological health problems arise. Exercise allows the body to return to a relaxed state and lowers those cortisol levels, therefore reducing stress.

Anxiety: Exercise has been shown to decrease anxiety in the same manner as it reduces stress. Regular aerobic exercise, such as biking, running, or swimming, has been found to be the most beneficial for reducing anxiety.

Sleep: Exercise increases the amount of time a person sleeps, and also leads to a more restful, higher quality, of sleep.

Relationships: Since people who exercise enjoy greater psychological health and are less stressed and irritable, their relationships benefit tremendously. This includes relationships with their significant other, children, and even co-workers!

Brain functioning:  Exercise triggers the release of serotonin in the brain, which improves a person’s mental clarity. And since they are more rested and not stuck in a “fight or flight” state, they are more alert and show a greater ability to focus on tasks.

Self-Esteem: Exercise just makes a person feel better about themselves. Their body will look and feel better and a person’s self-perception improves.

Finding time to exercise is one of the most difficult things for me and most people to do, especially as we gain more responsibilities in life. But as you can see, it is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and for our families. Remember what I always say, you are a role model for your children! You want them to take care of themselves as an adult? Then you have to model good self care :) Happy Exercising!

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Filed under Self Care

Jamin’ Like Mommy

I’ve been amazed lately at how fast my toddler is picking up on the world around him and started to mimic the things his dad and I say and do. Lately, he finds our shoes from around the house and brings them to us, even bringing the right shoes to the right person. This surprised me given he is only 13 months old. So, I decided to do a little experiment last week. I was driving home, him in the back seat, and a good song came on the radio. I decided to jam to the music (I never do this) by rocking my head back and forth with the beat. After just 5 minutes I looked back, and he was doing the exact same thing! Within this very short time, he noticed my behavior and copied it. Wow!

This got me to thinking about the powerful impact we have on our kids behavior. I know, you hear it all the time, but it is so true. Kids are impressionable at any age. When they are younger, they are most impressionable to their parents and caretakers. During adolescence, it is with their peers. Unfortunately, it sometimes seems like they want to copy only the behaviors we don’t want them to, rather than say sitting still in church or not saying that awful word we shouldn’t have said!

Here are some common behaviors our kids will imitate:

  • Coping with Anger. If you tend to yell at others or react with violent words or behaviors when angry, your child is likely to try out the same thing. I have had numerous families sit in my office and discuss their concern over their child’s anger and explosive behavior. Often, there is a close adult and usually in the home, who also deals with their emotions in this same way.
  • Keeping a Routine. Children will not naturally develop a healthy routine and it is so important for their success in school and later in life. Families should create a routine that fits their lifestyle, so if your family is often on the go, a strict routine will not be realistic and flexibility is important. Other families may be very structured and the daily routines are important and children need to learn this too. As much as you can, teach (and lead by example) your child the importance of a good morning and evening routine.
  • Maintaining Boundaries. Boundaries can be emotional or physical. Emotional boundaries define where our feelings end and others begin. We use these to identify who is responsible for our feelings and what is OK to feel during certain circumstances. Physical boundaries define where our personal space begins and other people’s space begins.
  • Social Skills. These include greeting people with a friendly hello, using eye contact, shaking hands when necessary, and engaging others in conversation. When you think a child is just playing while you have coffee with your neighbor or making a bank deposit, they are still observing you! Healthy social skills are essential for their lives, both on the playground and when it comes to getting a job. Teach them how to interact with others and the difference between family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers.
  • Eating and Exercise Habits. This one does not take much explanation. How you take care of your bodies is how your children will care for their bodies.
  • Substance Use. Children notice the use of substances in their home, whether it be legal or illegal, OTC, or prescription. They can also tell if a parent is under the influence of substances. Children and teens have given me details about how they knew their parents were “different” and the parent had no idea their child was so observant.
  • Driving. This is not just for parents of teens because, as I have explained, young kids are very influential. Watch your road rage, phone usage, texting, and tendency to always hurry and/or drive recklessly.
  • Relationships. This is a part of everyone’s life, whether it be relationships with significant others, friends, and family. Your child will learn about affection, conflict resolution, and more by watching your relationships. They are also learning through your relationship with them. So go ahead, tell them you love them every day!

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Filed under Behavior Modification, Discipline, Limit Setting, Child Development

Body of Emotions

I learned this activity from my colleague, Jennifer Methvin, LPC a couple years ago and have loved it ever since. Thanks Jenney!

In this activity, kids are asked to talk about various emotions. I will often have 4-5 emotions in mind and will allow the child to add emotions to our list if they want. For each emotion, I ask the child two main questions: 1. What does your body feel like when you are happy, sad, etc.? and 2. Tell me about a time when you recently felt this emotion and what was happening. The child can then choose the color they want for that emotion (I take notes for a key later on). The child will then use that color to paint or color where on their body they often feel this emotion.

As you see in the pictures, kids will have many variations. An interesting notation to make is that the first pictuer was done by a child who was struggling with high emotions and extreme expression of those emotions (aggression) and the picture below it with the dots was done by a child who was internalizing their emotions. Notice how the child internalizing the emotions only used small dots to represent their emotions as they are not used to expressing their emotions outwardly.

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Filed under Child Therapy