Tag Archives: behavior problems

March 25, 2012 · 8:56 pm

A Therapist’s Tote of Techniques

NEW BLOG SERIES!

I will be starting a new series “A Therapist’s Tote of Techniques” to share what I feel to be some of my most important and/or most used therapeutic techniques. I am looking forward to this series because most of these are simple, easy to learn techniques that anyone can apply. Another term for this concept is “tools in a toolbox.” I don’t know about the rest of you, but I just don’t carry around a tool box as much as I do my favorite tote bags. Men can substitute “tote” for the old fashioned “tool box” if needed! :)

Some Techniques and Categories to look forward to:

  • Managing emotions
  • Managing behaviors
  • Reflecting of feelings
  • Relaxation
  • Reframing
  • Cognitive Behavioral strategies
  • Boundary setting
  • Play Therapy Techniques

CREATING YOUR OWN TOTE BAG OF TECHNIQUES:

My goal is to share with you some basic techniques so you can fill your own “tote  of techniques” to use in your daily life. It’s important for me to communicate to my clients that one size does not fit all. This means that what technique worked for your neighbor’s kid will not necessarily work with yours! And what techniques one person uses may not be one you are comfortable using. Take behavior charts for example. I have heard some disagreements with the use of this tool as a means of behavior management, some from those

who do not think they work, and others who don’t find them to fit within their frame work of parenting style. My response: then don’t add that tool to your tote bag! There are many options available and you have to find what is right for you and your family.

Upcoming Post: Deep Breathing

The first technique to be featured is Deep Breathing! It seems simple, but it’s a very important one. I will talk about why it is so important, how it works, how to do it, and when and how to apply this technique. If you are not already following this blog and want to read future posts, please follow this blog via email, twitter, or facebook at http://www.facebook.com/KimsCounseling!

You may also like to read my post about behavior modification tools.

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March 17, 2012 · 10:10 pm

Using Signs to Teach Your Toddler About Feelings

As a counselor, I spend a lot of time teaching kids how to identify and communicate their feelings. So when my son Max (14 months) was having a meltdown this weekend, I realized that now is the time to start giving him words (akasigns) to express those emotions. Now is the time to start teaching him there is a word for these feelings he is having and that it’s normal to feel angry, frustrated, etc. So, I opened up my baby sign book and dug out the feelings cards. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not under any fantasies that Max will no longer tantrum or tantrum  any less fiercely, but this is an important first step in teaching my son about his feelings.

I use a book titled Baby Sign Language by Karine Shemel Rosenberg. It comes with colorful flashcards and information on the benefits of signing and how and when to start signing with your baby. Here are the feelings flashcards in this book. You can also see where to purchase this book and see my comments and others at my  Goodreads review.

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Applying similar techniques I use when teaching more verbal children about feelings, I can start teaching my young toddler. Here are a few simple things I’ll be focused on:

- Choose which signs you want to focus on, learn them yourself, and get other caregivers (nanny, grandparent, etc) involved. The more exposure to the signs the better.

-At the moment he shows the feeling (angry, sad, happy) say and sign the feeling using an empathetic tone.

- At the moment we see others expressing that feeling, especially another child, say and sign the feeling.
- When he is angry, help him learn to calm himself down by modeling a calm state and offering something that may help calm him such as a quiet room, favorite toy, or affection.
- When he calms, tell him “good job calming yourself down.” This sends the message he has control of his emotions.

It is never too early (or too late) to start using these techniques with your child. Their little brains are constantly taking in information and forming connections about their environment and learning behaviors from those around them. Applying these techniques can also take time to get used to, but will be second nature before you know it.

Max is learning his signs quite well these days, communicating his wants and needs to those around him. I am so happy to see when he is able use these signs rather than become upset. If you have been a parent of young children, you understand how frustrating it can be (for baby and you) when they have to fuss because they don’t know any other way to communicate their needs. There is a lot of literature that stands behind the wonderful emotional and psychological benefits of babies learning sign language. I’ll add some resources below to learn more about infant signing.

I have already started teaching these feeling signs and when Max gets the hang of them, I will post a follow up and let you know how it has worked out. If you have already been down this road, I would love to hear about your experience too!

http://www.babysignlanguage.com/ is a fantastic  website to check out. They offer a lot of information on signing, free flash cards, and even have video to show you how to do some of the more complicated signs.

http://signingbaby.com/main/index.php is also a good resource. There are videos of babies signing as well as an index of words.

For a good book, check out Baby Sign Language by clicking on my Goodreads review on the right hand side of this blog. Just above the Goodreads link, click on my Vodpod link to find videos I like. There is a really good video showing a baby signing for her mom. So cute!

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March 10, 2012 · 11:59 pm

Bringing Back Old Fashioned Play

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple”

- Dr. Seuss

I though of this quote when I came across an article by Alix Speigel, Old Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills . This article touches on an important topic for all parents, which is the ever growing support on the importance of creative, “old fashioned” play. Please take a moment to read this article along with my post today.

Disorders like ADD and ADHD, childhood bipolar disorder, and Anxiety and Depression in children is reported to be at an all time high these days. While there is some controversy that these are over-diagnosed (which itself a topic for another blog post), it’s hard to deny that children today are struggling with issues surrounding poor impulse control, difficulty with emotional regulation, poor attention skills, etc. These are what we call “Executive Functions.” One of the current theories is that children today are not engaging in imaginative play, which researchers are discovering is a key component in developing executive functions. The types of toys available today, along with the electronics (tv, gaming systems, iPads) are what our kids are being exposed to and spending their time doing, rather than playing outside or using their imagination. A majority of people today think these latest and greatest toys and games make our kids smarter, but in fact, studies show just the opposite!

For those of you with preteens and teenagers, this information is still relevant. Rather than watching tv or game for 2 hours after school, have your kids journal, read, or build something outside. The possibilities are endless. Changing your expectations of them now, after the bad habits have formed, will be your greatest challenge. Start out slow, maybe requiring reading time for just 15 minutes a day. Suggest some fun activities you can do as a family. Get creative and make it a priority.

As a Play Therapist, I am encouraged by this growing research that supports the power of play in a child’s cognitive development. As a parent, I am relieved to know how simple it can be to create an enriched environment for my children to thrive and grow. We don’t have to spend a lot of money or stress that they don’t have the latest toy. Encouraging our children to play creatively with one another is one of the most important things we can do. Give them crayons, blocks, or a box and cheer on their imagination and zest for what the natural environment has to offer, rather than Mattel.

Here are some more articles on the topic I think you will find interesting.

Q&A: The Best Kind of Play for Kids

Creative Play Makes for Kids in Control

New York Times: Taking Play Seriously

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March 5, 2012 · 11:40 pm

Helping Your Child or Teen Through Difficult Times

I was watching the news last week on the most recent school shootings in Ohio and saw an interview from one of the students who was so close to death that the bullet grazed his ear. The thought of how close he was to death and how his parents could have been mourning their son takes my breath away. Life can, and most likely will, change when we least expect it. Within the last two years, I’ve either experienced for myself or known someone personally who has experienced anything from death, family illness, divorce, and life changes like having a baby or kids going off to college. Life challenges that can stop you and your family in your tracks or maybe even change the course of your life forever. Even positive changes require some adjustments.

As a parent, you wonder about how your kids are doing no matter what their age. What should you say to them? Are they old enough to understand? How will this affect them in the long term? Are they coping ok? Should I seek help and if so, from who? These are often difficult questions to answer and even professionals may not have the answers you are looking for.

Thousands of books and websites exist and hours of therapy sessions have taken place to cover this topic and answer these questions. So, I’m not going to attempt to give you all the answers in one blog. However, I can share with you a few thoughts I have learned through my personal experiences and in working with families through these experiences.

  • First, no matter what the circumstance, you are not alone. Seek out support from others who can relate to your situation through support groups, read books and online materials, and take comfort in knowing you are not the only one who has gone through this. Also seek comfort from people you trust, such as close friends, church family, or a therapist.
  • Don’t be afraid to show your emotions around your children. If you are crying, let them know you are sad, but that being around people you love is comforting. This shows them that feeling sad is normal, but also teaches them that spending time with family can be helpful when they feel sad.
  • If necessary to involve your kids, talk to them about the situation using developmentally appropriate language. This means, don’t add in adult language or unnecessary facts.
  • Kids may ask a lot of questions, but they usually want to know that they are going to be ok and that you are going to be ok. Reassure them that you are handling things as best that you can and that you are there for them when things get difficult.
  • If your child’s life will be changing, let them know what to expect. For example, if you will be spending less time at home because you are at the hospital with a sick parent, let them know you may not see them as much, but that you will be sure to add in extra time on the weekend.
  • Never put responsibility on your child or teen to solve a family problem or to be responsible for other people’s emotions. Putting a child in the role of parent is never healthy.
  • Give your child or teen an opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings about what is going on. This can be through drawing pictures, talking to you about how they feel and asking you questions, or even just crying on your shoulder.
  • Challenges and disappointments in life are inevitable and part of being a child is to learn how to handle difficult situations. Use this opportunity to model for your child and teach your child how to handle hard times.

When to seek help: Expect that difficult situations usually means your child is dealing with it one way or the other. Just like all adults will react different, so will kids. You may see irritability, anger, sadness, behavior changes, or changes to how they sleep or eat. Some kids may become more clingy to you and others may isolate themselves. Stay in contact with their teachers or coaches as well so you know how they are doing at school or daycare. Being a professional counselor, I lean towards seeking help sooner rather than later. There is no harm in asking questions or at least getting a consultation. When deciding when to seek help, the key is to look at how extreme the behavior is and how long it has been occurring. If this goes on for weeks, escalates, and/or is affecting their functioning significantly, seek professional help. As a parent, you know your child better than anybody so use that parent instinct. If you don’t know a mental health professional, talk to your pediatrician about your concerns and seek a referral from them.

Families will always face challenges and change. Trust that you have the strength and support to get through your special circumstance and seek help when you need it. In future posts, I will talk about more specific situations, like divorce, illness, introducting a new baby, adoptions, and so on. If you have a request, feel free to send me a message! Questions and comments on this topic are welcome!

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February 24, 2012 · 1:28 am

A Difficult Decision: Medication and Your Child

Deciding to medicate your child can be a very difficult decision for parents. My toddler has recently been put on antibiotics to treat a respiratory infection. I trust my pediatrician and do not feel she would prescribe these without need, but I am still hesitant and do not like the idea of any medications for my baby.

Antibiotics is a very common prescription for children and I still struggle. Yet, I talk with parents on a regular basis who are facing the difficult decision of putting their child on one or more medications for behavioral and psychological reasons. As a parent, we want to trust the professionals involved in our child’s care, but medications can have lasting and unanticipated consequences. For one, every child is different, so you cannot be sure of the side effects until you try it. Once on the medication, the side effects may also be difficult to manage, such as changes in appetite and sleep patterns. So, how does a parent know what the right decision is for their child?

Here are a few key points I share with any parent dealing with this issue:

  • Consult the professionals involved, including your child’s pediatrician, psychiatrist, and psychologist/counselor. Ask questions about their diagnoses and the reasons for choosing the medications they chose.
  • Make an appointment with a Pediatric Psychiatrist. For medications affecting your child brain chemistry, I recommend seeing a doctor who specializes in disorders and medications affecting a child’s mental health. These include attention, antipsychotic, emotional disturbance, and behavior.
  • Do your research. Learn everything you can about the diagnoses given to your child and the medication(s) recommended. Some helpful websites are below.
  • Consider all treatment options- Counseling and behavioral intervention, diet and exercise changes, and social/environmental changes. Whether your child takes medications or not, these interventions can make significant changes to your child’s mental health. For example, stimulants may improve attention, but it cannot teach them behavioral skills to improve their study habits. Antipsychotics can stabilize emotions, but it cannot teach them anger management.
  • Commit to ongoing medication management. All children are unique in their symptons and body chemistry. Therefore, it is likely that you will need to visit the doctor regularly to adjust the medication. And once you have found just the right medication, frequency, and possibly combination of medications for your child, follow up appointments are key to making sure this works for your child over a period of time.

Whatever you decide to do, make the best decision you can, armed with information and support, and always know that you can make changes any time you observe your child needs something different.

For more information, I have found these websites helpful:

HealthyChildren.org on Psychiatric Medications

www.KidsHealth.org has Parent, Teen, and Child sites to search.

www.ParentsMedGuide.org

I would love to hear from some of our readers. Have you had to make a similar choice as a parent and what was the outcome? Or, are you in the middle of this difficult decision now?

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February 15, 2012 · 10:15 pm

Body of Emotions

I learned this activity from my colleague, Jennifer Methvin, LPC a couple years ago and have loved it ever since. Thanks Jenney!

In this activity, kids are asked to talk about various emotions. I will often have 4-5 emotions in mind and will allow the child to add emotions to our list if they want. For each emotion, I ask the child two main questions: 1. What does your body feel like when you are happy, sad, etc.? and 2. Tell me about a time when you recently felt this emotion and what was happening. The child can then choose the color they want for that emotion (I take notes for a key later on). The child will then use that color to paint or color where on their body they often feel this emotion.

As you see in the pictures, kids will have many variations. An interesting notation to make is that the first pictuer was done by a child who was struggling with high emotions and extreme expression of those emotions (aggression) and the picture below it with the dots was done by a child who was internalizing their emotions. Notice how the child internalizing the emotions only used small dots to represent their emotions as they are not used to expressing their emotions outwardly.

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