Tag Archives: development

June 10, 2012 · 6:20 pm

Summer Time: Opportunity Or Loss?

Well, the kids are finally out of school! My kids are not old enough to be in school yet, but I’m certainly happy to have lighter traffic on the way to work :) But many of you may have different feelings about summer time. Some of you have vacations planned for this summer, and others may be struggling with what to do to fill the time.

No matter your situation, the bottom line is that most kids are have 2-3 months off from a formal learning environment. So, what do you think? Is this free time in the summer a gain or a loss for our kids? Do you think of this as a great opportunity for family bonding through vacation time? How about experiential learning by visiting museums and new places, or maybe a time for physical fitness by spending all that time swimming and playing outside? How about a time for relaxation?

Or is this a time when the kids forget everything they learned the past year? Maybe a time when they spend too much time in front of the television? The old “use it or loose it” rule comes into place here.

There are some good arguments on both sides. I tend to lean on the side of viewing summer time in a positive light (no, not just because of the traffic!). Like most things, summer time will be what you can make of it. Whether you have money for extravagant vacations or not, you can use this opportunity for bonding with one another, catching up on reading, playing board games, and going outside! Experiental learning is very powerful!

Tatertots and Jello has a fun idea for families to do over the summer- a Summer Bucket List. Really cute and I encourage you to check it out!

Unfortunately, there are many children who will fall behind this summer because their time is not spent on quality experiences. The Partnership for Children and Youth has some information you may want to read on the topic. What I found most fascinating was this VIDEO ON SUMMER LEARNING. This highlights the importance of making good use of the opportunities for personal and intellectual growth during the summer. Your kids can move ahead, stay the same, or worst of all move backwards. It’s going to be what you make of it!

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May 15, 2012 · 5:56 pm

Kids Feel “Out of Control” When Angry and How We Can Help

Emotions can be very strong and feel overwhelming at times, and this is especially true for children. Depending on their developmental level, they may not fully understand what the feeling is, what it is called, why they feel that way or what caused it, and especially how to handle the feelings. It’s up to us as adults to recognize this emotional immaturity and help them to grow.

About a month ago, I was introduced to The Home Teacher’s series of anger management activities called “Don’t Be An Angry Bird.” These are brilliant exercises that incorporate the popular Angry Bird characters into teaching kids about types of anger and various coping skills. They are so fun. All I had to do was hang a picture of the various angry birds up in my room and the curious kids actually initiated the discussion!

Here is a picture of the different types of angry birds.

Side note: For the “Angry Eyes” Bird, I have the kids show me their angry eyes and I show them mine. We have a good laugh at one another! :)

So, of all these different types of “birds,” which one would you choose to represent your anger? Which one do you think kids choose most to describe their anger? I have done this activity with at least 10 kids and 9 have chosen the BODY OUT OF CONTROL bird to describe how they perceive themselves when they are angry. I find this fascinating and insightful!

This activity has reinforced the idea that kids are still very new to the big world of feelings. Emotions can be strong and often overwhelming, and for little ones, it’s magnified. Depending on their developmental level, they may not fully understand what the feeling is, what it is called, why they feel that way or what caused it, and especially how to handle the feelings.

The “terrible two’s” is a prime example of what it looks like when feelings are new and the body feels out of control. A toddler will scream, stomp their feel, stiffen their body, roll around on the ground, and run around the room. It’s obvious they are feeling out of control. Consider this the starting point in a child’s emotional development. Over time, they begin to recognize the feelings and learn some self-control. However, it’s not until adulthood (hopefully) that they are fully mature in this emotional development.

So how can we help our kids in their path to emotional maturity?

  1. Validate the child’s feelings. Let them know their feelings are normal and acceptable (even if their current expression of those emotions is not).
  2. Give their feelings a name. Anytime you have an opportunity, label the feelings you observe in the child and help them to label their feelings as well.
  3. Encourage them to verbalize their feelings out loud with I-statements (I’m mad, sad, etc…).
  4. Teach them appropriate coping skills. Keep in mind that modeling these skills is the best teaching tool!!

I will end with a favorite quote from Yoda for all the Littles out there struggling with these Great Big Feelings!

“Control, Control, You must learn control!”

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March 17, 2012 · 10:10 pm

Using Signs to Teach Your Toddler About Feelings

As a counselor, I spend a lot of time teaching kids how to identify and communicate their feelings. So when my son Max (14 months) was having a meltdown this weekend, I realized that now is the time to start giving him words (akasigns) to express those emotions. Now is the time to start teaching him there is a word for these feelings he is having and that it’s normal to feel angry, frustrated, etc. So, I opened up my baby sign book and dug out the feelings cards. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not under any fantasies that Max will no longer tantrum or tantrum  any less fiercely, but this is an important first step in teaching my son about his feelings.

I use a book titled Baby Sign Language by Karine Shemel Rosenberg. It comes with colorful flashcards and information on the benefits of signing and how and when to start signing with your baby. Here are the feelings flashcards in this book. You can also see where to purchase this book and see my comments and others at my  Goodreads review.

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Applying similar techniques I use when teaching more verbal children about feelings, I can start teaching my young toddler. Here are a few simple things I’ll be focused on:

- Choose which signs you want to focus on, learn them yourself, and get other caregivers (nanny, grandparent, etc) involved. The more exposure to the signs the better.

-At the moment he shows the feeling (angry, sad, happy) say and sign the feeling using an empathetic tone.

- At the moment we see others expressing that feeling, especially another child, say and sign the feeling.
- When he is angry, help him learn to calm himself down by modeling a calm state and offering something that may help calm him such as a quiet room, favorite toy, or affection.
- When he calms, tell him “good job calming yourself down.” This sends the message he has control of his emotions.

It is never too early (or too late) to start using these techniques with your child. Their little brains are constantly taking in information and forming connections about their environment and learning behaviors from those around them. Applying these techniques can also take time to get used to, but will be second nature before you know it.

Max is learning his signs quite well these days, communicating his wants and needs to those around him. I am so happy to see when he is able use these signs rather than become upset. If you have been a parent of young children, you understand how frustrating it can be (for baby and you) when they have to fuss because they don’t know any other way to communicate their needs. There is a lot of literature that stands behind the wonderful emotional and psychological benefits of babies learning sign language. I’ll add some resources below to learn more about infant signing.

I have already started teaching these feeling signs and when Max gets the hang of them, I will post a follow up and let you know how it has worked out. If you have already been down this road, I would love to hear about your experience too!

http://www.babysignlanguage.com/ is a fantastic  website to check out. They offer a lot of information on signing, free flash cards, and even have video to show you how to do some of the more complicated signs.

http://signingbaby.com/main/index.php is also a good resource. There are videos of babies signing as well as an index of words.

For a good book, check out Baby Sign Language by clicking on my Goodreads review on the right hand side of this blog. Just above the Goodreads link, click on my Vodpod link to find videos I like. There is a really good video showing a baby signing for her mom. So cute!

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March 10, 2012 · 11:59 pm

Bringing Back Old Fashioned Play

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple”

- Dr. Seuss

I though of this quote when I came across an article by Alix Speigel, Old Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills . This article touches on an important topic for all parents, which is the ever growing support on the importance of creative, “old fashioned” play. Please take a moment to read this article along with my post today.

Disorders like ADD and ADHD, childhood bipolar disorder, and Anxiety and Depression in children is reported to be at an all time high these days. While there is some controversy that these are over-diagnosed (which itself a topic for another blog post), it’s hard to deny that children today are struggling with issues surrounding poor impulse control, difficulty with emotional regulation, poor attention skills, etc. These are what we call “Executive Functions.” One of the current theories is that children today are not engaging in imaginative play, which researchers are discovering is a key component in developing executive functions. The types of toys available today, along with the electronics (tv, gaming systems, iPads) are what our kids are being exposed to and spending their time doing, rather than playing outside or using their imagination. A majority of people today think these latest and greatest toys and games make our kids smarter, but in fact, studies show just the opposite!

For those of you with preteens and teenagers, this information is still relevant. Rather than watching tv or game for 2 hours after school, have your kids journal, read, or build something outside. The possibilities are endless. Changing your expectations of them now, after the bad habits have formed, will be your greatest challenge. Start out slow, maybe requiring reading time for just 15 minutes a day. Suggest some fun activities you can do as a family. Get creative and make it a priority.

As a Play Therapist, I am encouraged by this growing research that supports the power of play in a child’s cognitive development. As a parent, I am relieved to know how simple it can be to create an enriched environment for my children to thrive and grow. We don’t have to spend a lot of money or stress that they don’t have the latest toy. Encouraging our children to play creatively with one another is one of the most important things we can do. Give them crayons, blocks, or a box and cheer on their imagination and zest for what the natural environment has to offer, rather than Mattel.

Here are some more articles on the topic I think you will find interesting.

Q&A: The Best Kind of Play for Kids

Creative Play Makes for Kids in Control

New York Times: Taking Play Seriously

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February 20, 2012 · 2:55 am

Brain Rules for Baby

After having my first baby, I checked out the audio book for Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina. I loved it so much, I went out and bought the hardback. Now that I am pregnant again, I’m reading the book again! It presents current research on brain development for children under 5 years of age, starting with prenatal development. As parents we hear so many old wives tales about what is good for our kids and what is not. This book looks at some of those rumors and presents the research on the topic. I know, just the word RESEARCH is putting you to sleep. I wouldn’t recommend this book unless it was interesting enough for you to flip through and take a few ideas from. For example, did you know that babies who watch TV before the age of 2 have low IQ scores than those who do not? This includes the Baby Einstein videos! After some further research myself, I also found this was backed up by the American Pediatric Association. There is a ton of valuable information in the book. Just like any other source out there, take the information and apply it for what you know is right for your own baby and your family. That’s how I look at things.

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