Tag Archives: relationship

January 16, 2013 · 12:37 pm

Connecting With Your Child Through Play, Part 2: Getting Started in Filial Therapy

Connecting With Your Child Through Play, Part 2 Getting Started; Kim's Counseling Corner Last week, I posted an Introduction to Filial Therapy. Don’t let the name deter you from reading further. This is simply a tool that play therapists use to create and strengthen the relationship between parents and children.

Today, I am going to share the first few steps in getting started in this special play time with your child! We will talk about who will be included, where the play time should be held, a time to schedule, what to tell your child, and what play materials you will need. I am so excited about this blog series because I know so many parents and children can benefit from devoting this time together!!

Getting Started:

Who: This play time is recommended for ONE parent and ONE child together at a time. It doesn’t matter if it’s mom or dad. I recommend these sessions for children between the ages of 3 years and 7 years of age.

When: Decide upon a specific play session time. I recommend starting with 20-30 minutes, once a week. Choose a time when you will have little to no interruptions and you can focus your attention solely on the child. You also want to consider a time when your child will be fed and rested to avoid any irritability or fussiness.

Where: Choose a room that has little distrations for you and your child. You will be putting the toys on the floor so consider somewhere with decent floor space. If all the rooms in your house are regularly used, just make sure the space is clean (to minimize the distration of thinking about the mess).

What To Tell The Child: Tell your child that you want to spend more quality time with them and you have chosen the special time, place, and toys to play together. Make the focus on your desire to spend time with them, rather than wanting anything from the child.

Play Materials: Below is a list of toys and play materials to collect, but first I have a few pointers/guidelines.

  1. Store your toys in a special box or bag, away from the child’s other toys.
  2. Do not allow the child to bring in any toys or take any toys from this box of designated toys.
  3. You can find many of these toys at dollar stores and garage sales. Don’t fret about spending a lot of money!
  4. If you cannot find every toy on this list, do NOT let it keep you from getting started. If you have a good amout of the toys, or find good substitute, then you are good to go!
  5. And finally, below is a list of toys to get started.
  • Play-doh
  • Paper
  • Crayons
  • Child scissors
  • Glue (I prefer stick glue)
  • Pencil
  • Scotch tape
  • 1-2 small cars
  • Police car
  • Fire truck
  • Ambulance
  • 2 cell phones (I use an old cell I no longer use)
  • Medical kit
  • Toy swords
  • Handcuffs
  • Kitchen set (couple dishes and toy food)
  • Baby doll
  • Baby doll accessories (such as a bottle, diaper, clothes)
  • Set of animals (such as a lion, elephant, monkey, shark, dog, pig, etc)
  • 2 soft animals
  • Deck of cards
  • Small ball
  • Noise maker (such as a maraca or toy drum)

I gathered a small sample of toys from my play room to give you an example of the types of toys you will be gathering. Happy hunting!

filial 1filial 2filial 3filial 5filial 4

Need to catch up on this series?

Connecting With Your Child Through Play, Part 1: Introduction

Leave a Comment

Filed under Child Therapy, Parenting

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 10, 2012 · 5:34 pm

Staying Connected As a Family

With such busy lives, it becomes way too easy to lose connections with those you love most. This is especially true in your marriage once careers and children enter the picture. As your kids get older, their lives also become cluttered with social priorities and families often feel disconnected from one another.

The Laugh, Love, Reconnect Jar is a great idea featured on the Happy Family Movement Website. Family members write down activities they want to do together, such as doing 10 minutes of an 80′s workout video or camping in the back yard. The ideas are placed in a mason jar and opened when they are ready to explore new ideas for family time.

I love this concept and thought of a few variations to share as well.

  • Write down things you love about family members throughout the week. Pick a day of the week, such as on a Sunday evening, to open the jar and read them together.
  • If you notice someone doing something you appreciate, such as spotting your teenage son putting his dish in the dishwasher or your husband fixing a bike tire, write it down and put it in the jar. Pick a day of the week and read them together.
  • Record special memories by writing down a moment during your week or month that you really enjoyed or made you feel good inside. These can be big or small moments, from remembering a special moment with your preschooler at breakfast to going to the zoo as a family. Write the memory down as soon as possible. At the end of the month, or even once a quarter, open your jar together as a family and read them allowed.

I feel good just thinking about the opportunity for bonding when the special notes are read together! Some days and weeks are more stressful than others and we can get wrapped up in our own lives. Taking time to write down special thoughts and memories about one another is a great reminder throughout the week about what is most important.

You may also like:

Defining Commitment in Your Marriage

Living In The Moment

7 Comments

Filed under Family Life, Relationships

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

March 13, 2012 · 1:56 am

Defining “Commitment” in Your Marriage

A new Science Daily article reviewed a recent study by UCLA on what commitment means to various couples and whether or not they stay together. Click here to read the article.
A few things about this article stand out to me so I thought I would share!

First, an underlying message here is that marriage will have challenges and difficulties. I am going on my 10th year of marriage and second kid this summer so I feel I can speak from some experience about the ups and downs a couple faces. No matter how in love you are, there are always difficult times you will face as a couple. We had our first baby later in our marriage so I can only empathize with couples who have children sooner than they are ready because they add an entirely new dynamic to a relationship.

Secondly, how we function in a marriage is about choices. The article mentions “choices” in several different angles- the couples choose how they view an argument, they choose how they respond to one another, they choose their priorities, and they choose to make sacrifices.

Third, it can be an easy word to ready over quickly, but the word “both” was used when describing the couple’s choices and perspectives. This is an important finding in the study because it tells us that marriage is very much of a team effort. One person cannot be responsible for making all the sacrifices or being the only one to make personal changes.

And finally, I like how they recommend against “bank-account relationships,” meaning don’t keep score!

I hope one day to be an old woman and old man, celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary! I realize this will be about choices, sacrifice, and personal growth along the way, but to me, it’s worth it! In recognition of the upcoming Saint Patrick’s Day, here’s a toast to the last 10 years and the future 40!

1 Comment

Filed under Family Life, Relationships

Tagged as , , , , ,